While seeking
by Cowoline
Summary: Malcolm and Leandra Hawke was caught and killed by templars. Their daugther has been raised by the Chantry and now has a promissing career as a seeker. The divine has sent her to investigate the situation in Kirkwall. Bioware owns characters and the world
1. Chapter 1

While seeking

The story of a female, seeker Hawke.

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the Dragon Age universe. The world the story takes place in as, well as the characters are owned by Bioware. **_

"_Flemmeth once told me thing are the way they are, because they could not have been any other way." Morrigan, Dragon Age: Origins._

Somewhere in an old barn in Ferelden.

They had been on the run for three days. They were tired, hungry and it was wearing on their three months old daughter. Leandra held her daughter close to her chest praying that she wouldn't start crying. Malcolm held his arms around her. He had been branded a maleficar and was being hunted relentlessly. It wasn't true, but it didn't matter. He was an Ferelden apostate, accused with kidnapping a Kirkwall noble Leandra Amell. The truth was that they were in love and just craved what everyone in Thedas had a right to (well, except for mages) happiness and a family. Mages were not allowed to love, one of the most basic needs taken from them because they were born with magic.

"Shhhhh…. It will be alright, love. Everything will be fine." He whispered. They could hear the templars walking around the village in their heavy amour. The metallic sound of their chainmail in the pouring rain was terrifying. If that sound came close enough everything they had risked would be for nothing. He would be dragged back to the circle and she would either have to go back to her parents or be left to fend for herself. Their daughter would be taken by the chantry and send to the circle if she had magic. _"Please let her not have magic. Please dear Maker, give her a normal life."_ Malcolm prayed.

The sound of chainmail and heavy footsteps came closer. The baby started sobbing. Leandra tried desperately to calm the child without any luck. The templars were getting closer.

"Stay here." Malcolm got up.

"No… don't! Please… if they catch you." Leandra whispered.

"I love you." He kissed her on her lips and their child on her head. Then he ran. His heart was pumping, the adrenalin rising as he cast a lightning bolt. It hit one of ten templars, but because of the heavy rain the electricity was transferred to two others. They fell to the ground and wrenched in agony.

"There! After him!" Malcolm ran drawing them as far away from his family as possible. He turned around and turned the puddle of water, the templars were running through, to ice. One of them got stuck. Malcolm almost smiled if not for the fact his mind was on his family. He ran again and then he heard a woman scream.

"LEANDRA!" He screamed in fear and fury. In his rage he summoned a firestorm. He started to burn the templars in front of him, almost relishing at the sound of their cries. So focused and fuelled by his rage that he didn't hear the templar coming from behind. The templar swung his sword and almost cleaved Malcolm at the middle. The templar bent over him as Malcolm lay dying.

"Maker has mercy on your soul maleficar. Don't worry about your lovely wife. I am going to enjoy having my way with her. Perhaps if she is good I'll let your child live." The last thing Malcolm ever saw was the templars malicious grin.


	2. 25 years later in Orlais

25 years later in Orlais

The sun was shining through Angelle's window waking her gently. She smiled. After a sheltered life in the chantry she had taught herself to smile at small things, holding on to them until the filled her soul with a feeling of warmth and happiness. She lay twisting in the sunlight enjoying it warmth all over her pale, slightly scarred body as it knocked on her door.

"Hawke, you need to get dressed and get to the commanders office as soon as possible."

Angelle got up and started to dress herself in her black seeker amour. Most seekers wore plate, but she had been trained as rouge. She liked to look at herself in her tight amour. She worked so hard for it. It was common knowledge that she was the daughter of a bloodmage and because of that, the Chantry had looked over her constantly while growing up. She didn't have magic, but others looked at her if she was tainted. This had made her accustom to isolation and now she rarely felt the need of human contact. Besides she had her trusted mabari, Connabar(Conna for short). She had named him after a Fereldan barbarian, who was said to once have defeated the witch of the wilds. Hawke had gotten the dog when she had a mission in Fereldan two years ago. The poor thing had lost his previous owner during the blight. She took pity on it and had given it some food, not knowing that a Mabari chooses its owner and had imprinted on her. The order was more than irritated when she had brought it with her to Orlais, but it couldn't be helped.

Hawke had worked very hard to get into the seeker order. Because of her lineage she had to work twice as hard to be recognized. And even now she was met with suspicion. This annoyed her. She had always been faithful to the order and had helped to recapture more apostates than she could count. She had been trained in some templar abilities before joining the Seeker Order, but was still new to the order and had not received her initiation. This meant she wasn't addicted to lyrium... yet.

Angelle was bold, quick and fast on the battlefield. She also excelled at deception and diplomacy which made her capable of handling most situations on her own. She didn't fear mages, which in her line of work was an asset. She believed, like most of her order, that they were dangerous and should be contained within the circle, but did not fear confronting them. These qualities had made the divine herself interested in Angelles progress and had added jealousy among her brothers in arms.

Angelle put on her black boots. She brushed her long dark brown hair and put it in a long braid. She picked up her tunic. A long black leather tunic, which almost looked like a tabard, it had three buttons on each side and had the Seeker crest on the front. The Chantry sun with an eye in the middle. She pulled it over her head and closed the buttons.

"No, stay here boy. I don't think the commander will approve of me bringing you along."

The warhound howled and she patted him gently on his head. Angelle went out her door and walked towards the commander's office.

When she arrived she knocked on the door.

"Come in." The Commander was middle age tall man with red hair and beard that had started to turn grey. He would have looked almost nice if it wasn't for his cold eyes. It was said that he had no grasp of mercy and he was relentless about keeping mages contained. As her superior however she had always looked up to him and started to take some of his opinions to heart. Mages must be contained.

"You wanted to see me Commander?"

"Aaah, yes Hawke. Please." He gestured her to sit down.

"I have received a letter from the Divine herself. It seems that you made quite an impression on your last meeting. She has requested that you meet with her later today. The Divine has appointed you for a mission."

"What kind of mission?"

"She hasn't informed me. Frankly it makes me uneasy. She doesn't seem to trust the leading officers in her own order. "

"The Divine must have a good reason for her secrecy." Angelle felt uneasy that he would speak in such away about the Divine herself. He looked at her with a frown.

"I advise you not to jump to conclusions and if you find something amiss I expect you to inform the order."

"With all due respect Ser, I will do as her Divine asks of me. I will not betray a servant of the maker."

His face turned red and for a moment Angelle feared he would explode in an uncontrollable fit of rage.

"I believe you have an appointment to keep. Dismissed!" He growled.

Angelle got up from the chair and left the room.


	3. Worries of the divine

Worries of The Divine

Angelle waited patiently outside of the great hall. What did The Divine wish of her? And why her? Angelle had only met the Divine once and besides being in her presence nothing notable had happened. The door opened and a red haired woman in robes came out.

"Hawke. It is a pleasure to see you again. You are well I trust?" The woman smiled

"The pleasure is mine, Lelliana. I am quite well, thank you."

"Her perfection wishes to see you now."

They went into the great hall. It was a long room with a high ceiling, white columns along the sides and at the end, above the Divines chair, a big coloured window with Andraste.

"Your perfection." Hawke kneeled.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, my dear. "

"I'm surprised you remember me."

"A young and talented woman with such determination is not easily forgotten."

"You honour me. If I may, I'm quite curious as to why you summoned me here today."

" The eagerness of youth." The Divine smiled. "Tell me child, what do you know of Kirkwall?"

"It's a city in the Freemarches. It used to be a base for slave trade and had a large mine operation, when it was part of Tevinter Imperium."

"What do you know of the Circle located in Kirkwall?"

"Only that there is a lot of tension between the templars and mages, but that could be said for most circles in Thedas."

"I'm afraid that the situation in Kirkwall is direr than in other parts of Thedas."

The Divines face turned very serious and it sparked Hawkes curiosity, but she remained quiet.

"Until about a week ago I was convinced, as you are, that the situation was normal. But then I received a request that disturbed me. What do you know about the rite of tranquillity?"

"It is a ritual that separate mages from the fade. The mages that go through this process lose their emotions, but is only applied on those who does not undergo the harrowing or those who have committed a horrible crime."

"You are quite right. Then I assume that you know how the mages feel about this rite?"

"Many perceive it to be worse than death even though we apply it as an act of mercy. What does this have to do with Kirkwall?"

"I received a letter from a templar by the name of Ser Alrik, within Kirkwalls templar order, suggesting that we make all mages tranquil. He also stated that it had worked well in Kirkwall."

"Have they turned the entire Circle tranquil?" Hawke suddenly felt uneasy. Mages where dangerous to be sure, but this was surely an overreaction.

"No, but it seems that they have used it in an alarming rate. The situation between templars and mages all over Thedas is getting tenser. We need to resolve this peacefully or the mages will rebel."

"What would you have of me?"

"I wish you to go to Kirkwall and investigate the templar order. See if my suspicion is correct that they are using to extreme measures."

"As you wish your perfection."

"I would also like you to investigate how we can make adjustments to the circle so that the mages will feel more at ease in the circle."

"But the Circle has served us well for centuries?"

"But no longer. If we continue to antagonize them I fear it will come to war."

"Wouldn't a Seeker with a higher rank be more suitable for this task?"

"I do not wish to undermine the Knight-commander Meredith´s authority. With your rank you can make changes under my orders, but you will not be able to interfere with her everyday decisions. I also hoped that your lineage would make it easier for you to deal with the mages."

"As you wish. I will do my very best your perfection."

"I'm sure. Lelliana will give you the details before you leave."


	4. Between Gallows

Between Gallows

The rain was pouring down and the sky was filled with black clouds. This made the Gallows seem even less welcoming, though Angelle doubted this had ever been the case. The old Tevinter slave statues made her shiver. She wondered how long she would have to stay here, her ship had not yet docked and she already wanted to get away. It was not only the scenery that worried her, but the position the Divine had put her in. Templars already felt uncomfortable among seekers because they watched the templars almost as they watched the mages. And now she was suppose to win the confidence of the mages as well. They would likely find her presence to be as annoying as the templars and from the Divines description that would cause a problem. Angelle had no problem with not being liked, but the thought of being caught between them did make her feel anxious.

The more Lelliana had told her about her mission they more uneasy she had become. The Divine had made an unusual request to say the least. She wanted Angelle to work with apostates in order to find out what it would take for them to feel welcome in the circle. How was she supposed to convince rebellious fools, who were willing to risk the safety of others by not being in the circle? How could she trust them? How would she tell bloodmages from apostates without telling the templars she was seeking them out? And if she found an apostate who seemed to be a good sort of person, how would she convince them to help her?

At least she had two things in which she could take comfort. Angelle wouldn't be staying in the Gallows. Grand cleric Elthina had arranged accommodations for her in Hightown near the Chantry. And she had Conna with her. She smiled and scratched her hound behind the ear.

When her ship docked she was greeted by a youngish templar with blond hair and a small stubble beard. Angelle found him handsome, but since she had little experience with romantic attachments she quickly pushed it aside. She was always playing a role, hiding behind a veil of deception and keeping her feelings to herself.

"Seeker Hawke, welcome to Kirkwall Circle. I am Knight-Captain Cullen."

"A pleasure Knight-Captain."

"We were quite surprised when received word that we were to prepare for the arrival of a seeker. I trust you will find that everything is in order, Seeker Hawke."

"Just Hawke please. I am sure you have things under control, but since mages seem to have become more troublesome over the years, we must do our best to ensure that the Chantry remains in control."

"You are quite right. The templars here however have the problem under control."

"_Hardly" _Hawke thought to herself. But what we think and what we say are often to different things, so:

"Then perhaps your order may be an inspiration to the other circles in Thedas."

"You are to kind. The Knight-Commander is expecting you." Hawke nodded and followed Cullen.

As they entered the Gallows courtyard, Hawke saw the statues surrounding her felt a cold shiver down her spine. She looked around the courtyard and found that there were indeed more tranquil, than was to be expected for a circle of this size. Angelle wondered what they had done to deserve it, because there surely had to be a reason for this. But the Divine herself did seem to doubt it. _"No she must have been mistaken. Surely these mages have posed a danger to others."_

Angelle followed Cullen inside when she saw a mage girl being let out a room crying.

"What is going on Knight-Captain?"

"We are in the process of interrogating several mages."

"Why? Have you found evidence of a conspiracy?"

Before he could answer a templar came out of the room. He had a smile on his face. Angelle felt weary, no matter what she thought of mages, seeing a man smile when he made a girl cry was revolting.

"Hawke allow me to introduce Ser Alrik. Ser Alrik this is Hawke, the Seeker send by the Divine."

"Aah, of course. I send the Divine a suggestion not long ago. I hope she will reconsider it."

"I am not really in a position to say what the Divine would agree with and not."

Ser Alrik nodded and left. Cullen showed Hawke into the Knight-commander Meredith´s office. She was a tall, blonde woman with eyes so cold that Angelle could swear her temperature fell. _"Thank the maker I'm not staying here". _

"Seeker Hawke, please sit. It is not often that the Divine herself takes a personal interest in our affairs."

"Indeed. And it is not often that her perfection receives a personal request to change the Circles rules. I understand that you rejected the proposal to turn all mages tranquil?"

"Yes I did. Despite the rumours I don't believe all mages are the same. I am not aiming to be radical, but Kirkwall has to deal with far more bloodmages that what is the norm."

"_Yet you have more tranquil here than I have seen in several circles combined."_ She had to suppress her suspicions. She could not tip them off if she where to work with apostates and they might have a justified explanation, however unlike it seemed at present.

"Of course not Knight-Commander, but I would like to see the reports myself if I may. If there are an increasingly number of bloodmages, then you're part of the order could become example to rest on how to deal with them."

"I am in no position to deny you your request, as you are well aware. My templars will cooperate with you, but I know your rank and I will not have you interfering with my daily duties. Have I made myself clear?"

Hawke starred into those cold eyes and forced herself to smile. _"She is not easily fooled"_ Hawke stood up.

"Quite. Thank you for your cooperation."

"We have made accommodations here for you tonight tomorrow one of my templars will escort you to the Chantry."

"You are to kind." Left the room with the distinct feeling she was being watched. _"So much for not staying here long"_ Angelle gave a small sigh.


	5. The Abomination

The Abomination

Angelle had been given a small, but comfortable room in the bottom of the Gallows. She really didn't want to stay, but at least this gave her an opportunity to read through the reports. Angelle sat by the desk reading, while Conna slept on the bed. Meredith was right. There was an alarming number of bloodmages, but still it seemed that they were using the rite of tranquillity in an alarming rate. One girl, who had passed her Harrowing, had tried to flee while on an escorted reagent hunt. According to the report they had been attacked by a giant spider and the girl had tried to take the opportunity to run. It also said that she had later claimed she didn't try to escape, but was merely terrified of the spider. She was made tranquil as a warning to others, so they would not encounter this problem again while getting reagents.

She continued to read when she suddenly heard someone running. Unable to control her curiosity she opened the door. She saw Ser Alrik and a few other men running.

"Come on men, she will not get away." Ser Alrik said with a smug smile on his face.

Angelle grabbed her daggers and decided to follow them. If he was the one behind these unjustified rites, she wanted to know. She kept a safe distance and saw them go in to a tunnel. She walked slowly until she heard battle. The templars screamed and she was certain she heard spells fire. She ran, but when she arrived the escort of templars lay dead on the ground. In the middle of the carnage were a young man with red-blonde hair his entire body covered in blue glowing markings. As a black fog was rising from him, his eyes started flashing like lightning. What was he?

"Stay away from me demon!" the girl cried.

"I am no demon! Are you one of them that you would call me such?" He said with a harsh voice

"Please messere..." The girl gave a frighten sob.

The man raised his hand his fury literally glowing from his face and body.

"Don't you lay a hand on that girl!" Hawke said determined as she walked closer. He was clearly an abomination of some sort and a powerful one. He had already killed so many and Hawke had no intension of the girl, or herself, becoming his next victim. Caution seemed to be the best approach. He stopped his attack and turned his attention to Hawke. Angelle looked at the girl discretely pointing at some crates. The girl nodded and crawled behind them, without the abomination noticing.

"You would stand by while mages are abducted and tortured! I will have every last templar for these atrocities!"

"Calm yourself. I will not hurt you unless you make me."

His eyes intensified, his rage becoming almost a fire around his body.

"You will feel Justices burn!"

"How is killing an innocent girl justice?" Hawke had to keep herself under control when all she really wanted to do was kill the blighted thing.

He raised his hands conjuring a spell, but Hawke quickly drained his mana and with a force of will gave him a knock back. He flew backwards. It was easier than she had expected he must have been depleted from dealing with the others. He got back up and Hawke prepared herself for a fight. Then something unexpected happened. He started shaking uncontrollably and as he fell to his knees the blue disappeared. When he looked up his eyes were full of regret as his tears ran down his face.

"Maker no! I almost... If you weren't here.." His voice was gentle and filled with terror and despair. As he looked into Angelles eyes she felt her heart stop. Moments ago she wanted to kill him, but now... he looked even more terrified than the girl he tried to kill. She felt... sorry for him.

"I have to get out of here." He ran.

"Wait!" But before she could give chase the girl began to cry violently. She couldn't leave her and this man was clearly too dangerous to hunt down on her own. She walked over to the girl and kneeled in front of her.

"Are you hurt?"

The girl shook her head.

"Can you tell me what happend?"

"My mom has been sick and might be near death. I wanted to see her, but the templars would not grant me permission to see her. So I tried to escape, when Ser Alrik's men caught up to me." She started sobbing.

"Shhhh... it's alright I won't hurt or punish you."

"They wanted to make me tranquil. As I begged them not to do it he showed up. At first I thought he was here to help me, but then he turned on me."

She threw her arms around Hawkes neck and whispered thank you over and over.

"Come I'll take you back to the Circle. Tomorrow I will escort you myself so that you can see your mother."

Before leaving Hawke searched Ser Alriks body and found another letter proposing the Rite being used more widely as well as a list of mages Meredith had agreed to make tranquil. _"This has to stop."_


	6. Tranquility

Tranqulity

Supporting the girl, Ella, who was still terrified, Hawke walked towards Merediths office hoping that she would still be there. Angelle was in luck as she saw light coming from her office. Hawke knocked on the door and Cullen answered the door.

"Makers breath! What's going on?"

"There has been an attack on the templars in the tunnels below the Gallows."

Should she tell the truth about Ella? She would likely be punished. Angelle felt a struggle within her. The girl had fled, but only to see her dying mother. What if they made her tranquil? She had already been through so much and after meeting the abomination it was unlikely that she would try again.

"The girl had been dragged down to the tunnels by Ser Alrik. Apparently he wanted to make her tranquil?"

Cullen stepped out in the hallway and called a templar. Cullen asked him to take the girl back to her chambers.

"Who attacked the templars?" Meredith demanded

"I believe it was an abomination. It has killed at least seven templars including Ser Alrik. It escaped into the tunnels before I could give chase. You should be able to catch up if you hurry."

Meredith looked at Cullen and gave him a nod. He ran out the door calling the other templars to follow.

"And how did you get involved in this?"

"I heard unrest from the hallway near my room and decided to find out what was going on."

"Very well, thank you for your assistance."

"Was Ser Alrik under orders to make the girl tranquil?"

"No... He has become very vigilant... a good quality in most templars, but perhaps he was going too far. I don't know what you believe, Hawke, but we do have reasons for turning the mages tranquil."

" I am merely curious, but I will have to report this incident to the Divine. By the way, the girl wanted to see her dying mother and I intend to escort her... with your permission of course."

Meredith gave her a cold glare, but then relaxed.

"As you wish. A templar escort can take you into Kirkwall tomorrow and escort the girl back to the circle after meeting her mother."

"Thank you."

Hawke left the office and walked back to her room. On her way back she almost turned back when she realized she hadn't told them what he looked like. But what could she say, between everything going on only noticed his blonde hair and that wasn't much to go on. He was unlike anything she'd ever seen. She had dealt with demons and abominations before, but he was different. Normally abomination didn't leave room for the host, but this one seemed to. It seemed like to different people. One furious and dangerous the other seemed sensitive. She desperately tried to remember what he looked like. Anything she could describe. _"He had brown eyes.". _She stopped in her tracks. Of all the things she could have noticed, why in the void would it be his eyes? She was usually better at this. She tried again to remember, but she saw nothing other than those terrified sad eyes. _"Great Angelle! We'll just go back to the Knight-commander and say "you are looking for a man with blonde hair and brown eyes, that turns blue when angry". This is so STUPID!"_ She scolded herself.

As she tried to sleep she wondered what would happen to him. Would they make him tranquil? The only other option was killing him and since you cannot separate a demon from its host it seemed the preferable choice. "_Poor man, well nothing to do about it."_ She turned around cuddling Conna and slowly fell asleep.


	7. Prince of the Chantry?

Prince of the Chantry?

The next day Angelle was told that they didn't find the abomination, but where patrolling the tunnels in case it returned. They confirmed the templars had been killed by spells and at first suspected Ella, but the First Enchanter had confirmed she wasn't gifted with fire and ice spells so it was unlikely to be her. Angelle felt uneasy again, what if he attacked some else?

Earlier that morning Hawke had been introduced to first enchanter Orsino. A middle age elf, who seemed very kind and far more pleasant than the Knight-commander. He didn't seem as weary by her presence as she had feared and all in all it had been a pleasant enough morning. Even so she couldn't wait to get out of the Gallows. For the first time in her life, she felt sorry for those who were locked up here. But there was no other option. Mages are dangerous.

Ella seemed glad that she was allowed to see her mother, but also nervous. Hawke tried to comfort her as best she could. They went through lowtown where Ellas parents lived.

"Will you come with me? I know you don't know me, but I am to terrified to go alone."

Angelle couldn't help but smile. "Of course." She told the templar escort to wait outside. And they knocked on the door. A small boy opened the door.

"Ella!" He cried out and jumped into her arms.

"This is my brother, Tom." Ella explained.

When they went inside Ellas mother came running embracing her daughter. Angelle was shocked. This woman should be dying. Did Ella lie to her? Hawke turned towards her with an angry glare only to find her just as confused.

"Mother... I thought you were sick?"

"I was, but I got cured." The mother looked at Hawke and stopped her explaination.

"Cured?" Ella asked.

"By the nice healer. He is funny and when..." Tom was eager to continue, but was stopped by his mother.

"I bought some herbs in Darktown it made me feel better." His mother continued obviously trying to conceal the identity or rather the existence of the man. So he was obviously hunted, most likely an apostate. Angelle decided she needed to know more, but it was clear to her that she wouldn't get the information here.

"I should leave. I have a meeting with the Grand Cleric. The templars are waiting outside. You have an hour before you have to return to the circle."

"Yes, thank you for everything." Ella said with a smile. Angelle nodded and went out the door. It was nice to be appreciated, normally people where either jealous, weary or annoyed by her presence. Perhaps this post wouldn't be as bad as she had assumed.

Two templars remained at Ella's house and the last showed Angelle to the Chantry.

"I was wondering, I'd like to know more about this city. Where is the best place for that?" Angelle asked the templar.

"That would be The Hanged Man. There is a dwarf called Varric that will chat your ear off if you let him, but I hardly think it's a place for a pretty lady as yourself."

Angelle smiled. So the Hanged man would be her next stop in finding out more about this healer, but that was not important now.

They arrived at the Chantry and Hawke Instantly felt more at ease. She had never questioned her faith since she had been raised by the chantry. She had never really questioned anything in her life, but now it seemed as if she was forced to. At least she had her faith, the Maker. She told Conna to stay outside with her escort. When she went inside she was met by a sister that took her to the Grand Cleric. As Angelle went up the stairs she saw an old woman with a kind face and next to her a young man in white amour. As she approached he turned around and smiled. She felt her stomach turn. Maker, he was handsome and had such kindness in his eyes. She reluctantly looked away to greet the Grand Cleric.

"I am Grand Cleric Elthina, a pleasure to meet you my child. I trust your journey was pleasant?"

"Thank you, your grace. It was pleasant enough."

"A pleasure to meet you Seeker Hawke. I am Sebastian Vael, Prince of Stark Haven. It is an honour to have a hand of the Divine among us."

Hawke smiled_ "Handsome, religious and a prince. This keeps getting better and better" _.

"You are to kind, but please Hawke will surfice."He smiled at her again and she felt warm feeling in her heart.

As Angelle talked with her grace, she found out little she didn't already know. The Mages and templars where at each other throats. There were a growing number of bloodmages despite the fact that the Grand Cleric and Viscount Dumar did their best to mediate the dispute. To make matters worse there was also a problem with some Qunari in the city, but since this was not her mission Hawke dismissed it. She was invited to have supper with her grace, Sebastian and other members of the Chantry. Their generosity was heart warming and for the first time in a long time no one looked at her and saw the offspring of a bloodmage. Sebastian told how he came to be in the Chantry and how his family had been murdered three years ago.

After the meal Sebastian offered to show her where she would be staying. When they went outside she was greeted by Conna.

"Your hound is a mark of nobility in Fereldan, is it not? I heard gaining a mabaris loyalty is the greatest honor."

"Thank you, thats very kind of you." She smiled.

They walked through hightown until the come to a building near the market. She was given a key and went inside. It was a small apartment with two rooms and pantry. It was quite lovely, with one exception. When you looked out the windows you could see the Gallows. But beyond that she was quite happy, she had never had this much room to herself before. Perhaps there was benefits to be handpicked be the Divine. Her things had already been brought to her apartment. Sebastian made sure she was comfortable and then took his leave. As much as Angelle liked his company she was happy to be alone. She started to explore the apartment. In the bedroom, she found that one of the walls looked a little odd. It was a door-like hatch in the wall. Her curiosity took over once again. She took a candle and went through the hatch. It led down a set of stairs that seemed to go on forever into a small cellar. At the end of the cellar was another door. As she got closer she felt a stench. Not enough to make her sick just enough to be uncomfortable. She hesitated again, but gave in. When she opened the door she was looking out on a street that looked like it had once been an old mine. There where people everywhere in small camps. Most of them sick and dirty. The children cried from starvation. It was horrible! She had heard that there were a lot of refugees stuck in something called Darktown. This must be it. She felt terrible. She wanted to help them, but had no idea how. Overcome with guilt she quickly closed the door, locked it and ran upstairs.

As Angelle went to bed she decided she would do her best not to think about it. She tried to think of Sebastian. Such a pleasant, kind-hearted man. To have lived through much sorrow. She thought of the conversations they have had trough the evening. Then suddenly the brown eyes popped into her mind. Those brown, tender and sad eyes. Why would she remember them now? She tried to remember Sebastian eyes... but nothing. _"I must be tired... either that or I am going crazy!"_ As she fell asleep all she could remember where those eyes.


	8. One chatty dwarf

One Chatty Dwarf

Angelle had been in Kirkwall almost a two months by now. She had started to get a good idea about what was going on with the circle. She had written to the Divine about suspending the templars use of the Rite of Tranquillity until an investigation had been made. The Divine had agreed. The Knight-commander had not been happy about it and even less so when Angelle started to interrogate her templars. Angelle had always been so sure of the templar order, but the more she uncovered the more worried she became. Last week she had a templar imprisoned for rape. Some templars where not doing their duty, but then there were other like the one called Thrask. A kind man and she had become quite depended on is knowledge.

When not in the Gallows she stayed in the Chantry. She felt at peace there and enjoyed Sebastian's company. She was beginning to imagine herself in love with him. Angelle had never felt this uncertain before and for the first time she craved someone to talk to. But she was trapped in the game where she had to keep her opinions and feelings hidden so she wouldn't antagonize the templars. At least in the Chantry, with him, she felt like she was in familiar territory.

But today the next phase of her mission began. She needed to find an apostate to inform her about what they would like the circle to be in order for them to return. Angelle had tried to keep her ears out and found one promising lead. Apparently there was a healer somewhere in Kirkwall that healed the poor and the desperate for free. This sounded like a kind man and there was no evidence of him being a bloodmage. But see needed more information before seeking him out. She needed something that she could bargain with in order to get him to help her. She was dressed in civilian clothes as she went down to lowtown. Angelle needed to talk to a dwarf called Varric, who was suppose to know everything going on in Kirkwall.

She went into the Hanged Man and the smell coming from it was like hitting a wall. As Angelle went through the inn towards the bar men began to whistle at her and making perverse remarks. It was not her first time in a place like this and ignored it. She asked the bartender for Varric and was directed to his suite at the upper floor. The door was open yet she knocked on it.

"Yes?" The dwarf came to the middle of the room.

"Hello, my name is Angelle. I was send by Curt."

"Aaaah, yes he said you would be coming by. What can I do for you?"

"I hear you know a healer in Kirkwall who helps the poor?"

"Know is a strong word. Why come to me for this? Surely you could find medical help somewhere else more easily?"

"We have tried all the options available to us. This is my last change if my brother is to get well." Thank the maker she had a well prepared story, not to mention experience in lying. The dwarf was clever so it had to be convincing.

"Please serah."

"Who am I to turn down a beautiful woman? His name is Anders, he lives in Darktown among the refugees. Look for the lit lantern and you should find him easily enough."

"Anders? Thats an odd name..."

"If I remember correctly it's a nickname he got in Ferelden."

"Thank you. You have been a great help."

"You are quite welcome."

Little did she know, that as she went out that door, Varric knew exactly who she was and what her mission was. Even the letters from the divine could be intercepted if you had the right connection. And Varric always had the right connections. _"I hope she can help, before Blondie does something truly stupid. Or harms himself."._ He just hoped that he made the right decision. He would never forgive himself if is friend ended up in the Gallows, but Anders had gotten almost desperately depressed and Varric had no way of helping him. He had heard as much as he could about the seeker and though she seemed to support the templars, her action showed a woman who followed her convictions rather than her orders. _"Great ancestors! I hope I have done the right thing."_


	9. Opposition

Opposition

It had been two weeks since Angelle had gone to the Hanged Man and now her bargaining point had finally arrived. She opened the small chest and removed the cloth. Once again she felt an internal conflict as she picked up the small vial of blood. Kinloch Hold had been kind enough to send it to her, no questions asked. Anders' phylactery. This was what she was going to offer him in return for his help. Maker she hoped she was doing the right thing. She put on her civilian clothes; a black corset, black tight pants and a shirt on top of it. She took her daggers, the phylactery and made a sign to Conna to follow her.

She hadn't been to Darktown since that first night. It was almost evening and she hoped that meant that the healer had few patients. She was against apostates. They were endangering other people by taking that risk. But as she went through Darktown and saw the poor and the desperate, she started to doubt herself. What would these people do without him? They would likely die and no one cared, except for him. She almost felt good about giving him his phylactery then he could continue to do all these good deeds in peace. Angelle stopped _"Who am I? Everything I thought I knew is being turned upside down. Templars can be cruel and apostates can be harmless?"_

She finally found the lit lantern and took a step inside. She had been wrong about the amount of people. There were at least 15 people. She asked Conna to stay outside. She looked around trying to find the healer. Angelle had expected an old man, but it was a young man with red-blonde hair and a sharp chin. She got the feeling she had seen him before, but could not put her finger on it. She sat down on one of the tables and leaned her back against the wall and closed her eyes.

She suddenly woke. She most have dosed of. The mage stood with his back to her in the other end of the room and seemed to be done with his last patient. She stood up and walked slowly towards him. She jumped back when he all of a sudden turned around pointing his staff at her.

"I made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?"

She smiled gently and was about to say something to make him calm down when she looked into his eyes. The brown tender eyes. The abomination! She felt a sudden adrenalin rush and quickly pulled her daggers.

"YOU? Keep away from me or I will cut your throat." She spat.

"Don't threaten me little girl!" His frown intensified.

"I have seen what you are demon! I will not let you harm anyone again."

A sudden realisation seemed to strike his eyes.

"You are the templar from the Gallows!"

They starred at each other for what seemed like an eternity, both struggling with whether or not to attack. He was demon and yet he healed and protected those who had nowhere else to go. She was a hand of the chantry, but she had stopped him from committing a terrible atrocity. Angelle starred into his eyes and then she remembered all the people she saw on the way to his clinic. He couldn't possibly a monster... not entirely. She lowered her weapons.

"This is stupid. I didn't come here to stop you from curing the sick."

He still kept his staff pointed at her.

"Are you going to lower that thing?" She looked at him expecting him to lower his weapon.

"You just threaten my life! There is no way I'm trusting you templar." He growled.

"Alright." She threw her daggers away from her. "Is that better?"

"You could be hiding a weapon anywhere. I will not risk trusting you." His eyes began to get a flare of blue.

"Maker!" She sighed loudly. She took of her boots, her shirt and her trousers. Anders looked at her with a confused and baffled look. When she was wearing nothing but here smallclothes as she held her arms out from her body and started to turn.

"There! I'm alone, unarmed and undressed. Do I still look like a threat to you?"

Anders still didn't trust her, but this scenario was too bizarre for him to keep up his defences. He lowered his weapon as he gave a smile and tried to suppress a chuckle. Angelle felt relief and as the tension in her body started to dissipate she realized what she had just done. She felt herself becoming flushed and embarrassed. She looked into his warm eyes and she began to laugh uncontrollably. _"Maker, what was I thinking?"_ When she regained control over her laughter, she wiped her eyes for tears.

"So, do you mind if I put my clothes back on or do you still think I'm threat?" She teased.

"I haven't decided yet. Besides I like the view." He gave her a small smile.

"Well, this show is over. If you are that desperate to see naked flesh I would suggest the Blooming Rose."

Hawke started to put her clothes back on, constantly watched by her would-be-attacker. She wondered if he didn't trust her or if he was taken in the scenery. It made her stomach turn and she didn't know why. Men had seen her like this before when she had been travelling with them, doing business for the order. _"Well, we did just threaten to kill one another. Tension is to be expected." _When she was dressed she felt the glass vial in her pocket. Angelle couldn't possibly give this to him now. Despite the fact he was a healer, he was also a dangerous abomination. She couldn't risk giving this to him if he hurt someone else... she wouldn't be able to live with her self.

"So would you mind telling me what you are doing here if you aren't going to arrest me?" He frowned.

She had prepared a well wrapped veil of deception and lies before coming here. But he had seen her in the Gallows and she didn't dare give him his phylactery. Perhaps a certain amount of honesty was necessary, but she could not mention the Divine and she could not come off as a mage sympathizer. When he was caught there could be no ties to her or the Divine.

"My name is Angelle Hawke, Seeker of the Chantry. I'm conducting an investigation of the templars here."

"If you are investigating the templars, what brought you to me? If you are going to bring me to the Gallows, I warn you... I am not coming voluntarily."

"Catching apostates is the templars responsibility, not mine. Unless you become a greater threat to this city, you have nothing to fear from me." finishing the sentence in her head._ "... for the moment."_

"Then why are you here, little girl?"

That same distrust was flurrying in his eyes. He clearly used "little girl" as a means of being threatening and provoking her at the same time. But she would not fall for that. She refused to give in to pride.

"As a part of the investigation I need to understand why mages are fleeing the Circle in such an alarming rate."

He gave a bitter laugh.

"As if being locked up like criminal wasn't enough? The right that every woman and man in Thedas has to be free, taken from us just because we are born with magic. Our gifts are granted by the Maker there is no reason for us not to live as free as other men."

"Mages are dangerous and can easily resort to magic in order to achieve their goals."

"Just as easy as it is for a man to resort to a sword."

"But mages are easily controlled by demons. You seem generous and kind, but you have also resorted to summoning a demon."

She wish she had bit her tongue, there was no way of knowing how he was going to react. Would he summon the demon she had seen in the Gallows?

"You are wrong... but not far wrong. This is hard to explain." His expression change to one of worry and shame. Angelle just stood there waiting for him to continue.

"When I was with the Wardens in Amaranthine, a few years ago, I met a Spirit of Justice, who was trapped outside the fade."

"A fadespirit you mean? The kind spirit healers use?"

"Yes. We became friends, but to live outside the fade... he needed a host. I offered to help him. We were going to work together. Bring justice to every child ripped away from his mother to be taken to the circle."

"Fade spirits are suppose to be kind and noble, the spirit I saw in the Gallows was nothing like that."

His eyes became heavy with regret and Angelle almost felt sorry for him... almost.

"No... I had too much anger. Justice thought he would overcome that, but he has become warped and twisted by my rage. He is no longer my friend Justice, but a force of vengeance and he has no grasp of mercy. So when I see things that have always outraged me... When I lose all control over myself... he comes out."

"And he was the one who attacked the templars that night?"

"Yes... When he takes over... I only realize after what I might have done." Angelle could see tears forming in his eyes.

"You are right... I'm a demon... the same as any abomination... after what I did to that poor girl." A tear rolled down his cheek and Angelle felt just as bad for him now as that night in the Gallows.

"What you did to that girl?"

"You saw what I did. How can I live with myself after I killed that girl?" He made a small sob. He didn't remember what happened? He thought he had killed Ella?

"You didn't kill her. You almost did, but when I stepped in you regained control. Ella is fine."

"I... I didn't? She is fine? I didn't harm her at all?"

"She was frightened, but other than that she didn't have a scratch."

He took a deep breath of relief and his entire body reacted as if an enormous weight had been lifted of his shoulders.

"Thank you..." He whispered.

"Perhaps I should leave, you have been through enough today it seems." She gave a little smile and turned to walk out the clinic.

"Wait!" Angelle turned around at looked at Anders who walked after her with a piece of paper.

"I'm sorry for putting all this on you. It's just... we have hardly met and I feel like I know you." Anders looked into her emerald eyes and she felt her heart pounding. He gave her the piece of paper.

"If you really want to know why mages flee the circle, this might give you the answers you seek."

"Thank you." She smiled at him and quickly left the clinic.

That night while lying in bed she read what appeared to be his manifesto. If the templars were to find this he would be hanged. Anders had taken an enormous risk entrusting this to her. Angelle couldn't decide if he was suicidal, insane or extremely passionate, but from what she had seen today it was probably a combination of all of these. _"I feel like I know you"_ His words kept going through her mind. She had let a dangerous, possessed, apostate walk free and why? Because she felt sorry for him? Because she also felt that she knew him? How many lives had she endangered? But how many would be saved if he was allowed to continue to heal? Angelle was so tired of all this internal conflict, but she had to face it. She had to remain strong.


	10. Questioning beliefs

Questioning beliefs

Angelle had been in Kirkwall almost a year and there had been one disaster after another. First the Qunari had tried to take over the city and killed the Viscount, his son and maker knows how many nobles. It was only through joined forces from the guard and templars that they had manage to take back the city. Angelle had been part of the attack and had been the one to kill the Arishok. The First Enchanter had insisted that she should be rewarded, but she had refused. Angelle already felt that she was getting far more attention than she wanted. The city still hadn't chosen a new Viscount since they were all deemed unsuitable by the Knight-commander. Angelle had the distinct feeling that Meredith was holding the process of on purpose and that disturbed her. But she wasn't about the lay charges at Merediths feet. She was already furious that the Rite of Tranquillity had been suspended and Angelle had made her discharged all of the templars who had been working with Ser Alrik. Angelle had hoped this would have calmed things down, but things still became more tense. The templars had resorted to other means of punishment and Angelle didn't have any authority unless she went through the Divine. And it was hardly an option to disturb the Divine with every time a problem occurred.

On top of that working with Anders was going poorly. Every time she talked to him, he started to accuse her of supporting the templars and not using her authority the way she should. He kept pushing for mage freedom and she wanted to keep them in the circle. They kept getting into heated arguments and Angelle couldn't always tell if it was fury or passion that charged their words.

She believed she would have become insane if not for three people. Sebastian was always a source of comfort and agreed with her on most issues (that she was allowed to discuss) about mages. They had become quite close and Sebastian had hinted that he hoped one day to enter a chaste marriage. It had warmed her heart, but she had always expected love to be more... overflowing. Never the less she felt some sort of peace and happiness in his company and looked forward to the day when he finally asked her. Angelle had never considered marriage, but with her so devoted to her career a chaste marriage seemed like a good solution.

In the Gallows she worked closely with Knight-Captain Cullen. He was a nice man and very devoted to the order, but nearly as cold as the commander. He gave her a good inside in to the daily troubles of the order and she was convinced he could help her find a peaceful solution to the mage problem.

The only other friend she had was the dwarf Varric. She had continued to come to him for information, but now she just visited him for the company. He always made her laugh and for a little while she forgot that there even was such a thing as templars and mages.

It was late at the Gallows. Angelle hadn't meant to stay this long, but she had a lot of paperwork to go through. Because of the late hour she had to stay the night. She was walking down the hall when she heard a girl crying violently and men laughing. She went to door where the sound was coming from. When she opened the door she was horrified. A young woman, Angelle recognized to be a mage, was naked and bend over a desk. Two templars where pinning her down, while the third was raping her. In the corner was a young, male, elven mage tied and gagged to a chair, while tears were falling down his face.

"Release that girl! NOW!" Angelle screamed. The templars released the girl and made ready to attack Hawke. The girl ran towards the other mage as she continued to cry. One of the templars ran towards Hawke. She quickly moved to the side as he charged her and sliced his leg with one her daggers. He fell to the floor screaming in agony. The other templar started swinging his sword in big movements, while Hawke blocked them. The third templar came up from behind her and grabbed her waist. She swung her hand back and with the handle of her right dagger, she crushed his nose. She was about to make short work of last when Cullen entered the room, undoubtedly after hearing the noise.

"What in the name of Andraste is going on?" He looked at the mages in the corner and his face was struck with horror. He called a number of other templars and had them take the three, now heavily wounded, templars into custody. Hawke found a blanket and put it around the girl, while Cullen released the male mage. When the mage was released he went to the girl, holding her close while kissing her hair and whispering words of comfort. Hawke and Cullen eyes met. Neither of them knew what had happened, but asked the male mage all the same. After a moment's hesitation he told them that he and the girl were in love and had snuck out of their rooms to meet. They had hid in this room, when the templars had found them. As punishment for having physical intimacy, they raped the girl while forcing him to watch. Cullen took the mages back to their quarters.

Angelle felt sick. Of all the things she had seen this was the worst. No demon or abomination could have terrified her more. That had to be worse than being made tranquil. They had to live with those emotional scars for the rest of their lives, but at least they could sleep more easily knowing that the men would be punished.

The next morning Hawke went to the Knight-commanders office hoping to get answers to what was being done about the templars from the assault. She knocked on the door and was asked to enter.

"Hawke. Cullen told me about the unfortunate incident last night. It was good no one was seriously harmed."

Hawke was shocked by the calmness Meredith showed.

"With all due respect commander, I think the mage girl might disagree. I trust the templars responsible have been dealt with?"

"Yes. The templar that was responsible for the actual violation has been suspended without pay and the two other have been reprimanded."

Angelle couldn't believe what she was hearing. Suspended and reprimanded! For raping an innocent girl! She could feel her blood overflowing with rage and wanted to strangle Meredith, but tried hard to remain in control.

"I thought a more severe punishment was required in these situations?"

"Normally, yes. But since you have made me dismiss so many of my templars, my forces are scares. With the current situation in the city people are not lining up to join the order. We are going to search Darktown for apostates again tonight and I cannot spare anyone at the moment."

Angelle lost her breath. Was she really the reason why justice could not be given to this girl? If she had not dismissed all of Ser Alriks men... But then they would have made many more mages tranquil. She felt sick.

"What about the young mages? How are they?"

"The girl is still in the infirmary and the man has been locked in a cell in the dungeon."

Angelle was so shocked she replied without thinking.

"What? Why?"

"Romantic attachments are not permitted as you well know. We can't afford to be lenient even under these dire circumstances."

Angelle was horrified. She needed to get out of that office. She got up said goodbye to Meredith in as pleasant a way as she could master. She felt utterly sick and as she went to the Gallows harbour for some fresh air, she ended up throwing up in the ocean. There must be something she could do for them. Of course! The Grand Cleric! Surely she would help. Hawke made her way to the Chantry.

_About an hour later in the Chantry._

"So you won't help? A girl is raped, her lover tortured and imprisoned and you would do nothing?" Angelle felt her blood boiling, as Grand Cleric Elthina seemed unwilling to take action.

"I cannot get involved, Hawke. Meredith will see justice done in the way the templars see fit. I feel for the mages, but if I involve myself in this incident the templars will see it as a challenge."

"But the templars are under the command of the Chantry."

"Yes, but the Chantry is not an angry father always with the whip in hand. She is a gentle mother that knows that her children learn best when allowed to learn themselves."

"But..."

"I am sorry child, but I cannot take sides. If I were to involve myself in this incident it will be seen as if I am taking sides."

Angelle felt like she was about to explode with rage.

"Sebastian, please." Angelle begged, hoping that he would support her and make the Grand Cleric reconsider.

"Her grace is right, Hawke. The templars have been punished and we cannot allow ourselves to be lenient." Sebastian said trying to make her calm down by holding her shoulders gently.

Angelle couldn't believe what she was hearing. She twisted herself from Sebastian's grip and tried to walk out the Chantry. She tried to seem calm, tried not to seem as furious as she felt. She walked through Hightown and then began to run. She entered her apartment and went to the window. When she looked down at the Gallows she gave a loud furious scream. What if Anders was right? What if the circle could never be changed?


	11. Midnight stroll

Midnight stroll

Angelle was determined to do something about this injustice. She was writing a letter to the Divine hoping she would interfere in this matter. She kept rewriting the letter over and over, throwing the discarded ones into the fire. Conna was one the floor chewing on one of them. Angelle found it hard to find the words. Her fury burning in her veins made it hard to concentrate. Her arguments seemed to be slipping. In her rage she broke her quill. She opened a drawer in her desk looking for a new when she found Anders' manifesto. For the first time she felt like she understood the meaning of the words. She could feel the desire for freedom, the worry for those who were being suppressed and a hope for a life were they could love and have a family. _"No wonder Anders is so angry... wait."_ Then it hit her. There was to be a raid for apostates in the undercity tonight. Anders and Angelle didn't get along, but after what she had witness in the past day she couldn't hate him anymore. If he got caught, the poor people in Darktown would suffer and he would surely be executed. No, she couldn't let that happen. It was late and the templars might already be in Darktown. She was only dressed in a thin white nightgown with no sleeves, but there was no time to get dressed. She grabbed a candle, one dagger and made Conna follow her and went through the hatch and down the cellar.

When she opened the door to Darktown she could already hear the unrest the templars were causing. _"I hope I'm not too late."_ She went to the clinic as fast as she could without tipping anyone off that she was trying to escape the templars. When Angelle got to the clinic she ordered Conna to guard while she went in after Anders. He was sleeping in the back of the room. She hurried to him and sat beside him. He looked to peaceful, she had never seen him like this. She looked at his blonde hair, his stubble, his kind face and characteristic nose and chin. He was not Sebastian, but sleeping so peacefully he looked rather pleasant. Angelle stroked his check and arm carefully so he wouldn't wake up to terrified.

Anders woke and as he looked at her his eyes grew wide.

"Hawke? What are you doing here?"

"Shhhh...The templars are searching through Darktown, we need to get you out of here." She whispered.

He nodded and quickly got up and put on his tunic and his feathered coat. Angelle signalled him to follow her when she saw the cost was clear. They moved quickly through Darktown, when they suddenly saw templars approaching. Luckily there were some large old crates they could hide behind. As they sad there Angelle could she Anders starting to turn blue, while he tried desperately to remain in control. If he didn't get it under control he would lose himself to Justice and then Angelle wouldn't be able to protect anyone. She kneeled in front of him and cupped both his checks with her hands.

"Look at me." She whispered, he glanced at her quickly and closed his eyes again.

"No. Look at me. Keep looking into my eyes, focus on me."

He starred at her with an intense gaze and she could see them slowly beginning to glitter with blue sparks.

"Take deep breaths. Look at me." When he began to move Angelle straddled him. As she sat on his lap, cupping his face and holding his gaze, his breaths grew deeper. The blue began to fade and his body began to relax. When the templars were gone she quickly got up and made Anders follow her.

She gave a sigh of relief when they entered the basement. Anders looked at her with her small grin.

"So what will the seeker order say, when they find out one of their own is hiding an apostate from the templars? I thought you were so vigilant in your beliefs."

Angelle frowned.

"Do you want to go back out there? I didn't think so."

"You must be disappointed in yourself, not being able to live up to the orders rules? Or perhaps you want to turn me in yourself, little girl?" His smile was somewhere in-between sarcasm and desire.

"You should be more weary of little girls. You see... little girls can make even great men crumble." She said with a teasingly and flirtatious smile. Then she turned more serious.

"And why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Treat everyone like they are your enemy. You are arrogant, condescending and just because I try to see things from a different perspective you treat me as if I'm going to execute all mages. Don't you have enough problems without creating enemies that aren't there?"

His voice turned angry.

"If we all sit idly by, as you do, all mages **will** be executed or made tranquil. Besides you made it very clear that you support the templars point of view. I can't figure you out. One moment you say that my cause is foolish and inconsiderate to the general public. Then the next you save me from being dragged to the Gallows."

"I just don't want to see you executed. You are already at risk and if you embrace a mad cause, there is nothing I can do to stop that from happening."

He stepped closer to her. Angelle watched Conna who was on top of stairs and went into the apartment. She caught Anders' gaze and saw the brow eyes fill themselves with fury.

"I swear, I don't whether to kiss you or kill you!" He growled.

"You can just try!" Angelle snarled as she held a firm grip around her dagger.

They stood there gazing intensely at each other. The way they had done in the Gallows and at their first meeting in the clinic. Suddenly Anders grabbed her by her wrists, pushed her back into the wall, pinned her arms above her head and began to kiss her fiercely. She should resist. They couldn't stand each other. She liked Sebastian. All reasonable arguments went through her mind as he stood there kissing her. But when he started kissing her neck Angelle dropped the dagger, let out a small moan and all her reasons vanished.

Anders let go of her hands and she wrapped them around his neck. He went back to kissing her mouth and she kissed him back with more passion than she thought possessed. He lifted up her nightgown and grabbed both of her thighs. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Anders carried her upstairs, while she kissed his neck, smiling to herself when she heard him moaning with pleasure. When upstairs he threw her on the bed and placed himself above her. He began kissing her again, but this time they were passionate instead of fierce. Angelle began rubbing her hands on his chest, in and under his tunic. His hands were all over her body, caressing her waist, her breast and thighs. She let go of his kiss in order to breathe, looked into his beautiful brown eyes and smiled. His expression suddenly turned serious.

"No, I shouldn't do this." He said as he pushed himself of her and stood up."I'll only hurt you."

Angelle felt her stomach tighten and her heart aching.

"You can't hurt me unless I let you."

"No. You could have a normal life. You don't want to be with an apostate. This can only end in ruin."

Angelle stood up cupping his face with her hands and looked into his eyes, while desperately holding back her tears.

"Please don't go. Stay here with me."

He grabbed her by her wrist and pulled them from his face.

"You've seen what I am... Don't tempt me. Not unless you are ready for what that means."

Anders turned his back to her and went back down the cellars. She wanted to scream for him, begging him to stay, but she couldn't. Her heart was aching and couldn't catch enough air to speak. As he disappeared into the darkness she fell back onto her bed, tears flowing down her cheeks and felt her heart breaking.


	12. The truth we hide form our selves

The truth we hide from our selves

It had been nearly a week since Angelle had saved Anders from the templars. She tried not to think of him. She tried not to remember his scent of herbs. She tried not to remember the taste of his lips... but she failed. She had been angry at him for leaving. She had been angry at herself for letting him kiss her. But most of all she was confused. They never got along. They always argued. How many times hadn't she tried to avoid him? So why did her heart suddenly ache at the thought of him? It would be best to forget him and tonight she would.

There was to be a festival tonight in Hightown. She was going with Sebastian and had been looking forward to it for a month. She had even bought a new dress. It was dark red with lose sleeves reaching down to her elbows, embodied with golden markings along the edge of the sleeves and v shaped neckline. Angelle put on her dress, curled her dark hair and tied the upper half of it with a bow in her neck. She put on some vanilla scented oil on hear neck and wrist. As she was admiring herself in the mirror she suddenly felt sad _"If only he could see me like this. No! Enough!"_

Angelle went to the festival and met up with Sebastian.

"Hawke." Sebastian smiled and gave a small bow.

"Sebastian."

"I hope you feel inclined to dance this evening. The music is quite lovely."

"I'm afraid I am quite inexperienced, but if I can do so without making a complete fool out of myself I will try." She giggled

"Well I will have to teach you then. When I lived in Stark Haven my parents insisted that I learned. I hated it, but never the less I learned it. Now that I'm a man it might even be enjoyable. I have been meaning to apologize for what happened with the Grand Cleric last week."

"That so?"

"Yes. I still believe Elthina made the right decision, but it was wrong for me to let you leave when you were so upset. I do feel sorry for the girl and I have prayed for her."

Angelle gave him a smile. But never before had his words seemed so empty to her. Sebastian was still the same, but she could feel something inside her changing. _"Prayers will not bring her justice. Prayer will not prevent it for happening again. Prayer will not release the man from prison."_ Never had the Maker seemed so distant, so unimportant. Those who served him faithfully would not help his children. _"What use do we have for them if not to help? Prayer is something we can do on our own."_ Before she got too lost in her own thoughts Sebastian took her hand and let her trough crowd preparing for the next dance.

She had been looking forward to this, dancing with him, having his attention all to herself and the conversations, but now... When the dance required them to touch she wasn't thinking of Sebastian, but Anders. When she looked in to Sebastian's blue eyes, they turned brown before her. When touching his shoulder she felt the texture of feathers between her fingers. She missed him even more, when talking to Sebastian. With Sebastian she had to hide her feelings, her opinions, herself. Ever since that day in the Chantry she couldn't show herself truly to him. With Anders she could always speak her mind. They might not agree, but she didn't have to hide. She trusted him, what was said to him remained with him.

As Angelle was talking to Sebastian and a few nobles, she saw a little girl sitting on the stairs crying. She excused herself and went to speak with the girl.

"Why are you crying little one?" The girl looked up at Hawke and gave a small sob.

" The other girls where teasing me, because I'm not as pretty as they are."

"Why would you think such a thing?"

"They have their pretty dresses and pretty hair and they told me so."

"I think you look very pretty." Angelle looked into her eyes and smiled.

"You are just saying that to make me feel better." Angelle chuckled on the inside, this was a smart girl.

"No, but there is something you must realise. If we want others to think that we are beautiful, then we must think of ourselves as beautiful."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at the people here. Who do you think are the prettiest those who are smiling or those who are being grumpy?"

The girl looked around.

"The smiling people...?"

"I think so too. So can you smile for me? And you will be the prettiest girl here."

The girl gave a smile.

"Here." Angelle removed the ribbon from her own hair and placed it in the little girls. And her smile grew bigger. She got to her feet and ran towards the other children while saying: "Thank you, serah. Thank you so much." Angelle smiled as she saw the little girl running along.

"Kind, wise **and** beautiful."

Angelle was startled. When turned around she was looking into a pair of warm, smiling, brown eyes and she couldn't help, but to smile herself.

"Anders..."

"Hello Hawke."

" I haven't seen you for days. I was beginning to fear you had gotten caught."

"Not this time. You see there was this beautiful little girl who came and rescued me in the middle of the night."

Angelle looked down trying to hide the pain she was feeling, but her attempt was poor. As Anders stepped closer to her and began to speak softly.

"I'm sorry for what happened, but you must understand I can't give you a normal life. If you're with me, we will be hunted, hated, the whole w..."

"Serah Hawke." Angelle looked up and Cullen had approached them.

"Cullen. I didn't think you would be here." She gave a small smile, but she just wanted him to go away.

"I couldn't miss the opportunity to dance with you. Am I interrupting?"

"No, I was just leaving. Some other time, Hawke." Anders replied and walked away. She wanted to stop him. She wanted to run after him. She wanted to kiss him, but she couldn't.

"How do you know that man, Hawke?" Cullen asked.

"I met him at The Hanged Man once. Why?" She lied.

"Just curious. May I have the next dance, my lady?"

"Of course."

She might as well try to enjoy herself as much as she could. The change of this being a happy evening was lost when Anders left.

As Cullen put his arms around her, getting ready for the next dance, he whispered in her ear: " You look lovely." Angelle smiled and closed her eyes trying to imagine it was Anders holding her. She didn't realise Anders was looking at her from the crowd.

He was following her every move with his eyes. Taking in her smile, her green eyes and the way her lose hair was moving as she danced. He saw the way the templar looked at her. Anders knew what the templar was thinking, because it was the same thing going through his own mind. He felt jealousy coming up through his chest and spreading through his veins. _"Maker, she will be the death of me."_ He must be insane. Everything she stood for, what she was an example off, was his own worst fear. Perhaps this is why he felt himself drawn to her, a desperate act of a desperate man, trying to overcome his fears. Trying to conquer them. _"She is a distraction."_ Yes. _"She is the enemy." _Yes, but a part of him was willing to see the whole world burn just to have her near him. _"And here I thought we were immune to the influence of desire demons. What did we do wrong, Justice?"_

Lying in her bed that very evening, Angelle replayed her meeting with Anders over and over in her mind. She finally realised the primary reason mages were fleeing the circle, because it was the one torturing her. They were not allowed to love. This was why Anders left her. The chantry made it impossible for them to be together. It made mages risk hiding in dark corners were templars could come any moment. It made them risk their lives to be free. The circle denied them the most important thing in life. So long had the Chantry focused on the quantity of life instead of the quality of it. Love... Angelle had never been loved, she had never loved anyone, never had a family. She began to wonder if the story about her father was true. Did he kidnap and rape a noble woman? Or were they in love and ran away? Never to love or be loved, was the greatest fear of mages. It was Anders' greatest fear. Perhaps if the circle allowed mages to love and have families, there could be a way for them to be happy and keep people safe. This was her mission. She would help the mages to have a say in their own lives. She would do this for them. She would do this for her parents. _"I'll do it for him."_


	13. Green

Green

It had been three weeks since the festival. Hawke had send word to the Divine about the mage who had been raped and her lover, but had received the same vague, hesitant respond as Elthina had given. To make matters worse the investigation of the use of the rite of tranquillity had been completed. This meant that within weeks the templars in Kirkwall would be able to use the rite again. Hopefully they would be more responsible with it, but Angelle feared they would not. This made her more determined to come up with a way to change the circle. But she had to keep it quiet. If the Knight-commander found out, there is no doubt in Angelle's mind that she would make it more difficult for her. Even if she was under orders from the Divine.

Angelle worked close with one of the circle fraternities, the auqitarians. They had been quite helpful in her investigation, but sadly there were not many of them in the Kirkwall circle. She had tried to visit Anders a couple of times, but he had told her that he was too busy and asked her to come back another day. He was pushing her away and she thought she knew why. A life with him, would be one on the run. It would mean giving up everything she worked so hard for. But if she couldn't be with him she would do anything in her power to make a world where others could love an apostate and be happy.

Angelle was sitting by a desk looking through the latest reports on mages who had been or become pregnant. There weren't many in this Circle, hardly surprising considering how strict the templars were. But this was important knowledge. Especially, if she were to convince the Divine, that there could be a way for mages to have families. Allow them to keep their children. Maker she was tired of sitting behind a desk, ever since she had been posted here it had been a lot more deskwork than she was use to. Hopefully it would be worth it. As Angelle was contemplating her thoughts it knocked on the door and asked them to enter. She was surprised when she saw Cullen enter with flowers in his hand.

"I hope I'm not disturbing."

"No, it's fine." She felt a little nervous about development of this conversation.

"These are for you."

"Thank you... they are very lovely." Her thoughts were _"Oh Maker help me!"_

"I'm glad you like them. I was wondering, since we enjoyed our self such much at the festival if you would... possibly... if it's not too much to ask... like to go out with me tonight?" He swallowed. This was clearly not something he was use to.

"Well I... " (_"Think of an excuse"_)

"It's that man from the Chantry right... that Sebastian?" Cullen looked so sad, what could she say? She couldn't tell him the truth and she couldn't get herself to break his heart.

"No it's not that. It's just... normally I go to see my friend, Varric, in the Hanged Man." She hoped it would be to revolting a place for him to come.

"I could come with you." He smiled lightly.

"Sure." Why couldn't she fine an excuse?

"Then I'll see you tonight." Cullen gave a big smile and went out the door.

She hid her face in her palms. _"You stupid, stupid girl! Why could I not make up an excuse? I'll break his heart. Worse what if Anders sees me with him? No... happy thoughts. Anders stays at his clinic, he won't be there." _

Sadly when we focus on something enough, whether want or not, it tends to happen. So when Angelle entered The Hanged Man with Cullen, she could see straight into Varric's suite, Anders was standing there talking to Varric. _"Maker, save me!"_

"Couldn't you talk to Gallard for me? He likes you."

"I told you not to play that last hand, Blondie."

"Yes... but I did it anyway and now the coterie has an I.O.U. for my right ear."

"Gallard won't collect on that he has en... Hawke! Get in here. What are you having?" Varric said with a big smile. Anders looked at her and smiled, until he saw Cullen.

"Who is your friend?" Varric said happily not knowing the tension that now existed between his friends. He had after all never spent much time with Ander and Angelle at the same time. She had always been careful not to be seen with Anders. Especially now, if the templars caught him, she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

"This is Knight-captain Cullen." She tried to avoid Anders' gaze.

"Oh... Pleasure to meet you. I'm Varric and this is Bianca."

"You named your crossbow?" Cullen asked with a chuckle.

"I should get going. See you around Varric." Anders began to walk out the room.

"See you Blondie." Varric then continued his discussion with Cullen. Once again she saw Anders walking away from her. Her heart breaking a little more, but this time she couldn't help, but follow him. She stopped him in the hallway.

"Anders. It's not what it looks like. I..."

"Don't. Please don't. It's better this way." And then he walked away.

The rest of the night was horrible. All she could think about was Anders. His blonde hair, his brown eyes, his coat covered in feathers. What if she had lost him for good? She would have to fix this in the morning. _"I am just a stupid little girl!"_


	14. Beyond control

Beyond control

Angelle was walking through Darktown. She had to see Anders. She had to tell him the truth about Cullen. Today she wouldn't let him turn her away. Her entire body felt uneasy, as if she could throw up any moment. She stood outside the clinic for several minutes before she had worked up the courage to go inside. There weren't any patients, so at least he couldn't use that excuse. He was sitting at his desk writing.

" Anders?" She walked over to him slowly trying to seem as natural as possible.

"Hello Hawke." He looked at her with a frown on his face and then continued to write. Angelle had to muster her courage once more.

"About yesterday... I'm not seeing Cullen. We had an awkward conversation and before I knew, what I was doing, I had invited him to The Hanged Man. It wasn't on purpose I don't care for him the way I do for y..." She felt the air fading from her lips unable to continue.

Anders smiled vaguely, but didn't turn around. She looked at him for what for her seemed like hours. She finally asked.

"What are you doing?" He stood up and walked towards her.

"I have been trying to write down my arguments, to convince someone like you that the Circle is abusive and unjust. You been there every day for a year... how can you not see? Our gifts are granted by the Maker. How is it a man can call himself a templar and set himself above us?"

"I'm pretty sure there is some training involved." Angelle joked. _"He is so cute when he rebels."_

" Any fool with a sword can join the order. They rule by violence, not divine right. I will make you see! If I convince no one else in Thedas at least I will have you by my side before this is over."

Angelle felt her heart pumping and a shivering sensation filled her entire body. His eyes made her knees go weak and she felt herself flushing. She became so nervous that she gave a big smile and failed to suppress a giggle. Unfortunately Anders mistook this behaviour for ridicule.

"This is madness! You are everything I hate!" he replied angrily.

And as quickly as she had felt this rush of happiness it disappeared and was replaced by despair. Did he really hate her? As she started to cry Anders was baffled. He had never seen her cry. She had always been this sassy, brave, young woman with a sarcastic remark to throw at him. She was the interest of a templar and a holy man from the Chantry. People she had far more in common with than him. But here she was. Crying... for him? He couldn't bear to see her tears. He held her close while kissing her hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"You always treat me as if I am your enemy, but I'm not. I believe in your cause, I just hope for a peaceful solution. Please don't hate me. Let me prove to you that I am on your side."

"What do you mean?" But she couldn't answer. She had no air left and just hid her face in his feather covered shoulders. He put his hand on her chin and lifted it up and kissed her softly,

"If your door is open tonight I will come to you. If not... I know you took my warning at last."


	15. Final Secrets reviled

Final secrets reviled

Angelle waited for hours, trying to be patient. She tried to be relaxed, but with every passing moment she became more convinced he wouldn't come. At long last the hatch from the cellars opened. Conna jumped up and ran towards Anders while barking happily.

"I thought it told you once before that I'm a cat person?" He shook his head while gently stroking the dog.

"You're here. I didn't think you would come."

"Justice does not approve of my obsession with you. He believes you are a distraction. It is one of the few things where he and I disagree."

"I was about to go looking for you."

Anders walked up to her and began kissing her gently.

"Wait... there is something I need you to see."

She took his hand and led him to her desk where there was a lot of letters and a pile of paper bound together by string.

"I want you to read these. I don't want any more misunderstanding between us."

"What are these?" Anders looked her with a surprised gaze.

"These are confidential papers and letters, messages between me and the divine. I need you to read them."

He stood behind her and began to kiss her neck while whispering seductively in her ear.

"Are you sure this is what you want me to do right now?"

"Yes, I need you to read these."

"Alright."

He sighed and sat down and began reading. For the next hour he sat at that desk while Angelle sat nervously curled up in an armchair trying to concentrate on a book. She couldn't. Anders finally got up from the desk and walked towards her. He looked at her with a serious, but not upset look.

"You where the one who stopped the tranquil solution?"

"I guess you can say that. You know what it was called?"

Nothing in those letters mentioned it by name and it was an incident the templars had tried to keep hidden.

"When you met me in the Gallows I was looking for evidence in order to stop Ser Alrik."

"You went into the Gallows on your own?"

"No... I was part of a mage underground. I was there with two other mages, but when Justice took over they became frighten and ran. You are the only one who hasn't run away, when that happens."

"You **were** part of it? Why aren't you any longer?"

"Since I nearly killed that girl, I thought it best to keep away from people as much as possible. I couldn't live with myself if that creature of vengeance killed an innocent."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"The curse is of my own making..." He paused and looked away. He suddenly turned to her.

" I'd like to hear more about this plan of yours. You said you were trying to make mages more willing to stay in circle, you never said anything about completely reforming the circle."

" I couldn't. I am violating several dozen rules by letting you read those letters. The divine send me here to find a peaceful way to resolve the tension between templars and mages. When I came here I believed it would be a few minor changes. However during the last year I have become convinced that nothing short of a complete reformation will do it... You convinced me of that."

Anders smiled at her, but he began to feel a little ashamed. He walked towards her and kneeled before the chair she was sitting in.

"Oh, dear love. All this time I have been scolding you. I am so sorry. This is why you came to me a year ago?" He kissed her gently on her nose and placed his forehead to hers.

"Yes. I didn't realise until a few months ago how bad the mages had it. Everything I was thought to believe has been turned upside down."

"So tell what ideas have you come up with, so far?"

"I want to propose that we make the circle a school instead of a prison. Children should be allowed to be taught at the circle, but still have the opportunity to visit and receive visits from families. Phylacteries should only be kept on those mages who have not yet gone through the harrowing and criminals. And when they have gone through the harrowing they should have a choice between remaining in the circle and living outside it. And mage parents should be allowed to keep their children. And if a mage child is born to a mage parent they should be allowed to teach them and only be brought to the circle for test every six months. What do you think?"

"It sounds well enough, but it is not all of it I agree with."

"I was hoping you would help me. That together we could make a proposal to the divine."

"That's a wonderful idea, love... But right now I have other things on my mind."

He started kissing her softly on her lips and as her arms wrapped around his neck he deepened the kiss. He cupped her face and looked into her eyes while he whispered:

"No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking."

Angelle spread her legs to allow him to come closer as he was still kneeled in front of her. She began kissing him passionately while her fingers ran through his hair and down to his neck. While caressing his neck she felt his hands running up her knees, thighs, waist and down again. As one of his hands went under her shirt and softly caressed her stomach, she felt all her muscles contracting. Her blood started to boil with anticipation and her body slightly shivering as she turned nervous.

Anders began kissing her neck as he slowly started to open her shirt. He started to move down slowly, by kissing her deeply and passionately on her skin every few centimetres. When he reached her stomach she laid her head back. He kissed her just under her navel and he sunk his teeth gently into her skin. He smiled as she gave a gasp of approval. He started kissing his way back up. When he reached her mouth he removed her shirt. He couldn't take it much longer. Being this close to her and still not having her completely. As Angelle began to kiss his neck, he began to pant and in one quick movement he was on his feet with her lifted into his arms.

He carried her to the bed and began kissing her while his touches became faster and more intense. Angelle became more nervous. She knew nothing of this. The Chantry didn't exactly provide knowledge in this area and there was no way she could hide it for long.

"Anders..." she whispered and gave a gasp as his hand tightened around one of her breasts.

"Yes?"

His voice was filled with desire as he continued to taste the skin on her neck. How was she supposed to begin?

"I don't think I ever told you this, but... my father... he was a mage... an apostate"

Anders stopped, lifted himself slightly of her, balancing his wait on his hands. He looked at her as he gave a smile and chuckled slightly.

"Really?"

"Yes. He and my mother were on the run. They both died when the templars tried to recapture them. I was raised by the Chantry."

"I'm so sorry, love." Anders hesitated. "Did I do something unpleasant that made you think of it?"

"No. It's just... since I grew up in the Chantry and... well, since I joined the order... I have spent much of my time alone." She closed her eyes fearing his reaction.

"Well, that's not uncommon for children with mage parents."

Then it hit him.

"Oh... you mean... never? Surely someone has been interested in you?"

He didn't believe what he was hearing. She was so beautiful, confident and with a sharp tongue like hers, it seemed unlikely that no one had even tried to win her affection. That she could be in an order full of men and none of them had found her as irresistible, as he did, was unimaginable.

"Well, between beating my fellow comrades in sparring matches and being the daughter of a maleficar, I must have been an unworthy risk." Angelle giggled at the thought of how many of them had laid covered in mud as she was still standing without as much as a splash on her.

"You are a risk, but you are absolutely not unworthy." He smiled and kissed her. Then suddenly he felt jealousy jumping up and biting his heart.

"What about the Knight-Captain?"

"Cullen is a nice man, but there is a problem."

Anders frowned.

"You mean other than being a mage-terrorizing templar?"

"He isn't you." She whispered as her hand ran through his hair.

Anders starred into her eyes and felt himself drowning in them slowly as he felt his heart overflowing. He couldn't possibly love her anymore than he did right at this moment. Everything he thought he knew about her was wrong. All that time spent with her and it was only now that he began to really see her. How could he have been so blind? His heart had been filled with so much anger, that he almost missed this benevolent goddess lying beneath him. All this time he had desired her, not understanding how he could possibly want her so much.

"Since I met you, I have lain awake every night aching for you. I'm still terrified I'll wake up."

He began kissing her again, but slowly. He wanted to rip her clothes off and ravish her, but not tonight. Tonight he needed to be gentle and give her all the time she needed. She began to shudder under his touch, that where so soft that it almost tickled. She grabbed his coat pulling herself slightly of the bed and began to kiss him passionately. She pulled of his coat and began undoing the claps on his tunic. She pulled it off and as she put her hands under his shirt, he began to open her trousers. He removed them and his own shirt, as he was straddling her he saw her lying there in nothing but her smallclothes. He felt his blood rushing through him, filling his entire body with ecstasy. His body ached for her as if it was screaming. Her fingers ran down his chest, his stomach and on the inside of his thighs and he started panting. As Angelle started to open his trousers, he was so heated that, these small movements were enough to make him lean his head back and gasping her name. He started to slowly brush his fingers over her smallclothes and as he reached between her thighs, she arched her entire body. He smiled as he slowly began rubbing the area.

He conjured a little electrical current in his fingers. The vibrating, tantalizing sensation made her body shiver and arching, while she grabbed his shoulders and began chanting his name. As she gave one last gasp, she let go of his shoulders and let her hands slide slowly down his arms. While kissing her he began to remove the remaining clothes from their bodies. He raised himself to his knees and looked down at her.

"Maker you are beautiful. Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

"Had this dream before have you?" She smiled teasingly.

"Oh, sweetheart... you have no idea."

He lowered himself onto her, stroking her hair as he carefully entered her. Her body twitched slightly as she let out a small whimper. He held still as he kept stroking her hair and kissing her. When she began to relax he began to make slow, gentle thrust into her body. It had been so long since he had done this and his body had ached for her since he met her. The sensation was almost too much to bear, this wave of pleasure washing over him. One he had desired for so long. It took all of his self control to go slow as the sensation was a mixture of pleasure and slow agonizing torture. As she was trying to ignore the stinging sensation, she heard him gasp and pant with pleasure. She smiled and whispered:

"Do you still think your dreaming?"

"No dream could ever compare to actually having you."

His heart began to race as she began to moan with pleasure and then allowed himself a faster pace. He repeated her name as he felt his body contract one last time and finally felt the pleasure of release. Anders slowly lifted himself of her and lay down beside her while embracing her waist.

"I love you. I have been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life, not be tied down to a fugitive with no future, but I don't ever want to leave you."

"And I don't want you to." Angelle placed her head on his chest, closed her eyes and as his arms wrapped around her she never felt more as peace.

"I love you, Anders."


	16. A taste of freedom

A taste of freedom

The sun was rising and a red light entered the windows and shined down on Angelle's body as she lay on her side with her back to Anders. She was still asleep and only half of her body was covered by the bed sheet. Anders had been awake for almost an hour and had spent it just looking at her and the sunrise. Taking in how the red light made her skin glow, how it was reflecting in her dark brown hair. Her beauty became intensified as it seemed like her glowing body could warm up the entire room. He had tried not to touch her so that he wouldn't wake her. But when she turned herself to her back, allowing him to see all of her upper body, he couldn't help himself. As Anders caressed her soft skin, he felt a happiness embracing him that he hadn't felt since he merged with Justice. Angelle opened her green eyes that were intensified by the red glow around her face. Anders lost his breath as another wave of happiness fell over him and he began to smile.

"Good morning, love."

"Mmmm..." She smiled back at him. As she began stretching her body, Anders felt the blood rushing down beyond his waist. He was about to indulge himself in his desires, when he got interrupted by one overly exited mabari jumping on to the bed.

"See... this is why I prefer cats. I really don't like this open, slobbery, affection thing." He grumbled and the dog whined in responds.

"He is just happy... or hungry. Down boy."

Angelle got out of bed put on a robe and went into the next room to feed Conna. Anders was lying alone in the bed a little irritated by this development. Angelle returned quickly however, she went to the desk near the window to lay down her robe, when she suddenly started to stare out the window with a sad expression in her face. Anders got out of bed and stood behind her as he embraced her, putting his chin on top of her head.

"What is the matter, love?"

"It's not fair... Here I am free with you while they are trapped down there. In that prison."

"No it isn't, but this is why I fight... to change that." His expression turned grim.

"Things just keep getting worse. I had templars practically on my doorstep the other night."

"Are they hunting you?"

"Not me specifically... they were just checking the refugee camps again, but it is possibly I might need somewhere else to go... in the near future." He turned her around, looked into her eyes and smiled.

"Would here be an option?"

"Are you asking to move in?"

"Well... yes..."

"Way to kill the romance." She said teasingly.

"I thought you might appreciate not having step over the drunkards in Darktown every time you wanted to see me. What do you say?"

Angelle gave him a big smile, jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissed him intensely as he stumbled back onto the bed. He had just begun to ravish her body with his hands, when she suddenly pushed herself of him.

"Oh... I just remembered something."

She got up and ran out of the room, leaving a slightly frustrated Anders on the bed once more. _"I just can't catch a break."_

"What are you doing?"

"Just wait. I'll be right there."

He sat up leaning himself on the headboard trying to be patient. Not a strength him or Justice possessed.

"Are you coming?"

"Be patient! I swear you're worse than the dog."

She came back smiling, with a small cloth bag in her hand. She crawled up onto the bed and sat down next to him.

"I should have given this to you long ago, but I was unsure if it would be safe because of Justice. Then later I kept it because it was something of yours and I couldn't bear to part with it. I hope you can forgive me."

She gave him the small bag. As Anders opened and pulled out the small glass vial, he starred at her.

"Is this... Is this what I think it is? How did you get it?"

"Before I sought you out I contacted Kinloch Hold and had them send me your phylactery. I was going to use it as payment in return for your help."

He instantly pulled her close and started to kiss her over and over. Then he pulled away and looked at her with a serious gaze.

"You don't know what this means to me. How many times I searched for it. But don't they know you have this? If they found out you no longer have it or worse found out you gave it to me, what will happen to you?"

"The Circle in Fereldan knows I have it, but I'll be fine."

"No. If they find out you'll be imprisoned or hanged. I can't let you do this."

"Your freedom is more important to me than anything. This way you can hide from the templars more easily. This is the most important thing in your life, please take it."

He cupped her cheeks.

"**You** are the most important thing in my life. I would drown us in blood to keep you safe..."

He kissed her and whispered:

"It would kill me to lose you."

"It will be fine, Anders. You're not going to lose me. Please... let us get rid of it."

He pulled her in for another kiss as a tear fell down his cheek.

"If you keep this up, my love, even Justice will fall in love with you." He chuckled. He picked up the phylactery, looked at it and then threw it with full force into the fireplace where it shattered.

"I wish I could tell Elissa about this."

Angelle frowned.

"Who is Elissa?"

"Are you jealous, my love?"

"Try to see if you are brave enough to make me jealous. I dare you." She grumbled sarcastically. Anders chuckled.

"You're adorable when you're jealous."

"Anders!"

"Alright, alright. She was Warden-commander, when I was in Amaranthine. She offered to let me escape during an attack on the warden keep by telling the Templars that I was dead. But when I was just outside the keep I turned around to help. The templars eventually came for me. They had branded me a maleficar and wanted me executed. Elissa conscripted me into the order and saved my life."

"Oh, I will have to thank her then. Why would she want to know about your phylactery?"

"Because her, Justice and I once broke into to a storage facility once, in order to find it. It wasn't there and instead we ran into a couple of grumpy templars. You should have seen their faces when she refused to turn me over to them."

"W-where you in love with her?"

"Ellissa is, and was at the time, married to the king of Ferelden. I did have I crush on her, but back then I was a very different person than I am now. And she has another great disadvantage."

"That so?" Angelle didn't look at him.

"She isn't you."

Angelle smiled as she noticed him using her own words against her. Anders pulled her close, cupped her cheek and kissed her.

"I love you... You know one of the advantages of being a warden, is incredible stamina." He whispered with a smile full of desire.

"Really? And what could I possibly use that information for?" She smiled.

"Well, I'll just have to show you won't I?"

He pushed her gently down on the bed and began to kiss her as she laughed with delight.


	17. Hopeless

Hopeless

It was almost two years since Anders had moved in with Angelle. They had been happy, but the burden of keeping their relationship hidden was starting to strain on both of them. A few weeks ago they had a really bad day. Angelle had business with the Grand Cleric. There Sebastian had made a not to subtle remark about Angelle joining the Chantry in a chaste marriage. Anders had been in the Chantry and was furious. When Angelle tried to talk to him, later that evening it ended in a huge argument. To this day Angelle had no idea, why he was even there and didn't dare to ask in the fear they would argue again.

They had worked tirelessly on the proposal to the Divine. They had sent three different once already, but the Divine had never given any conclusive answer. Anders was beginning to lose hope. A Viscount had still not been appointed and despite Angelle's efforts, the templars kept pushing the mages. Angelle feared what would happen if something wasn't done soon, but she dared not confine in Anders, who was already showing signs of desperation.

It seemed that Justice had manifested himself more, but since she had never known "just Anders" it was hard for her to tell. He had talked about finding a way to be separated from Justice and she tried to support him. But somewhere in her heart she wondered if he would still be the man she loved, if he succeeded.

She was in the Chantry researching some of the early circle laws when Sebastian came running up to her.

"Is something the matter Sebastian?"

"The First Enchanter is overstepping his bounds. He is in the middle of the Hightown square rambling. If he is not stopped, he could cause a small riot."

"I'll go see if I can talk him down. Hopefully, before the Knight-commander hears of this."

When she arrived at the square it was already too late. Meredith had arrived and she was furious.

"Please, both of you. This is not the place for this discussion."

"Ah, seeker. Perhaps the people here would like to hear you opinion on the matter."

Orsino had in the past year tried pressure Hawke into openly supporting the mages. She wanted to, but as long as she was under orders from the Divine, she was forced to remain neutral.

"Please this fighting will have to stop. The way things are now you are the closest thing Kirkwall has to leaders. They need to believe you capable of maintaining order."

"The reason we don't have a proper ruler, is because the Knight-commander is stalling the process."

"I cannot be hold responsible for the fact that no one suitable has been represented." Meredith snapped.

"Perhaps it is unwise to come with such a statement in front of the nobles of this city. The sooner a new viscount has been appointed, the sooner this will pass."

It was hard for Angelle to remain this diplomatic, but thankfully the Grand Cleric arrived and separated them. An incident had been avoided this time.

"Thank you for stepping in, seeker." The grand cleric smiled.

"No need to thank me, but if this issue is not resolved soon it will not be the last incident."

"I fear you are right. A letter came for you from the Divine this morning. I will go to the Gallows. They will see reason if the Maker wills it."

Angelle hurried home with the letter, it was undoubtedly a reply to the latest proposal she had sent.

"_Seeker Angelle Hawke,_

_I found your latest report very thorough and interesting. You have done exemplary work. I am sorry that this assignment was a much longer process than anticipated. Now that your work is done we will be glad to see you back in Orlais in a month. One of my personal agents will visit Kirkwall soon and you are expected to meet with her._

_Since the changes are so much more extensive, we will start implementing some of them slowly in a period of thirty years. We will take all your suggestions under advisement, though not all will be implemented. "_

Angelle couldn't go on reading. She felt her heart breaking. The changes she feared would not be implemented were the part about mages having families. And even if most of the suggestion were implemented, thirty years would be too long a process. It would not prevent the mages from rebelling now. And in thirty years there would be a new Divine and who was to say she would see the benefit in giving the mages more freedom.

If things even went as smoothly, as the Divine seemed to believe, Anders would likely not live to see it. Angelle and Anders would never be able to have a family or simply a life, were they didn't need to hide. And next month she would have to go back to Orlais. She would have to leave Anders and she would no longer be able to protect him from the templars. She heard the cellar door opening. Anders could not see this. It would be the final thing that would push him into despair. She would have to wait to show it to him until she had figured out their next step. She quickly hid the letter in the drawer.

"Oh, you're home. I heard about what happened at the square and wanted to see if you were alright."

"I'm fine, Anders. They were just arguing again. Nothing new about that, even if it was in a more public forum this time."

She tried to smile, but Anders seemed suspicious. He walked over to her, held his arms around her and kissed her.

"You don't seem fine, love. What's wrong? Has Meredith been hounding you again?"

"No. I'm fine. I'm just tired. Hold me will you?"

They stood there for a while. She didn't want to let go. She couldn't let him go. She took in his scent, his warmth and enjoyed nurseling her nose into his feathered coat. Then she began to wonder out loud.

"What if we just left? Travelled somewhere? Far away from all this dispute and secrecy."

"Where would we go?"

"We could go to Tevinter. We could get married and start a family."

"What would our livelihood be? I doubt we will be popular if we go around killing bloodmages and I am not exactly farmer material."

"I don't care what we do as long as we are together."

"Even if we did, we might not be able to get a family. You know that conceiving is difficult for a warden."

"There might be something they can do about it in Tevinter and maybe they can help you with Justice."

"Even so I can't leave. If we leave there will be no one to fight for mages rights. Too bring them justice... Where is all this coming from?"

"I'm just worried. The templars have become more determined in their search for apostates. I don't know how much longer I can keep you safe."

Anders gently held her chin and turned her head up to look at him.

"Don't despair for me, love. You are the most important thing in my life, but something's matter more than my life. More than either of us. I'm sorry."

"I know. I just don't want to lose you."

"I love you. Whatever happens I want you to know that."

"I love you too... Anders?"

"Yes, love?"

"Can we at least have an escape plan? Just in case?"

"If it will set your mind at ease."

That night Anders watched Angelle as she slept. He had never felt more distant from her. He felt like she was hiding something, but then again so was he. Soon he would set all mages free. He regretted that she would be alone. _"She is strong. She will survive. When we are gone she will continue what we started. She will no longer be able to hide her from the world... she will no longer have to."_ He could hear the echo of Justice in his mind. Never aware if it was his own feelings or Justices, that his thoughts reflected. He regretted pulling her into this. Anders regretted that he no longer had the faith that she did, that mages could be set free peacefully. He kissed her by her ear as she slept and whispered.

"I wish we could stay like this forever, love."


	18. Planning

Planning

The following weeks Angelle did everything she could to plan an escape should they need it. Anders felt bad about leading her on, letting her plan something he wouldn't live to use. She had found several potions in The Black Emporium that would be useful. They could make your hair grow faster, change the colour of your hair and there was even a salve that would darken you skin in a matter of minutes. She put it all in a bag in the cellar with some rations, coin, blankets and some clothes. But there was something more she needed to do. Angelle hadn't told Anders, but lately at night she would wake because he was thrashing around covered in blue markings. She wanted to help them both. She wanted to give the man... or men... she loved peace. In one of her meetings with Lelliana, before she left for Kirkwall, she had talked about how she had visited the sacred urn of ashes. Lelliana had even been posted there for a while. If Angelle could get some of these ashes maybe they could separate Anders and Justice. She decided to write to Lelliana to get more information.

She still hadn't told Anders about the letter from the Divine. Not that she really had the opportunity, he was almost never home and when he was he either slept or was far too preoccupied with his manifesto to pay attention to her. A part of her hated it another part of her was relieved.

She tried to tell him about her plans, but he either didn't seem to care or lost interest part way through. When he did speak his arguments seemed to become erratic and incoherent. One day when she came home he had left the whole apartment in ruins, while he sat on the floor shaking. She didn't know if it was Justice or Anders that had done this, but it worried her all the same. Other days he was ecstatic and wanted to do nothing else than to make love to her over and over. Angelle felt like he was caught in a tide dragging him out to sea and she could do nothing, but watch him drown.


	19. The Nightingale

The Nightingale

Almost three weeks had pasted since the Divines letter and Angelle still hadn't been able to tell Anders about it. Once again she was sitting in the Chantry looking through old documents. Not that it really mattered any longer, but what else could she do? Her thoughts kept drifting between unimaginable heartache and hope. She imagined herself and Anders dieing. She tried to picture what their children would look like. She was so deep in thought she didn't even notice Sebastian walking up behind her. Startled she turned around.

"Sebastian! I didn't see you."

"My apologize, I didn't mean to frighten you. Do you have a moment?"

"Of course. What is on your mind?"

" Her grace wishes to speak to you, I believe she has a request to make of you."

"Then I will go now."

As she stood up Sebastian caught her hand and she looked at him. This couldn't be good.

"Please wait. I have hardly made my intension towards you a secret. You mean the world to me Hawke, I can't imagine being without you. Would you pledge yourself to me and to the maker? A chased marriage in his eyes."

"Oh, Sebastian. I am returning to Orlais in a matter of weeks. I couldn't possibly make such a commitment, when I won't be here to for fill it."

"I have thought about that. What if we made our wows here and I joined you in Orlais in a few months?"

Luckily one of the sisters in the Chantry chose this moment to interrupt, also notifying Hawke that her grace wished to see her. Angelle went directly to her grace with Sebastian right behind her.

"Your grace?"

"Thank you for coming, Hawke. I have received word from the divine. One of her agents, Sister Nightingale, wants to meet with you and Sebastian tonight. If the tension between mages and templars continue I fear the Divine would consider an exalted march."

"Surely the Divine wouldn't treat the whole city as enemies?" Sebastian questioned with disbelief.

"She is concerned, Sebastian. It is never wise to draw the concerns of the powerful."

Angelle's mind was racing. Was this why the Divine seemed willing to slow the process of the changes she suggested? Had The Divine herself lost hope that this could end peacefully? Angelle barely heard the rest of the conversation, but agreed to come to the Chantry again tonight.

That evening she as she came into view of the Chantry, Angelle saw Anders exiting it. She almost called out to him, but decided that it was unwise. What was he doing there? He hated the Chantry because he saw it as an institution of tyranny against mages. Now he had been there two times, that she knew of, in a very short period of time. What in the name of Andraste was he planning?

Almost as soon as she entered the Chantry and met Sebastian, they were attacked. Bloodmages! Dressed in robes that looked like they were from Tevinter. They cut the wrist and before long she and Sebastian was overwhelmed. They got two of the mages down, when Sister Nightingale decided to join the battle. Within minutes they had taken down the mages.

"Lelliana!" Angelle smiled.

"Hawke. It's a pleasure to see you again my friend."

"Where you expecting that welcome?"

"I did let word slip that an agent of Divine was in Kirkwall. These mages where revolutionist."

"The offspring of the libertarian fraternity?"

"Yes. The Divine suspected that the trouble with mages are spurred by an outside group. This attack proves that she was right. This has condemned them."

"Is the Divine planning an exalted march?"

Angelle almost chocked as she spoke those words.

"Nothing has been decided. I read your research. Fine work, if a little radical, but it might have come too late. Groups like these have already decided that they wish for war. Whatever changes we might make they will still seek a confrontation. We need to get these under control, before we can implement any changes."

"But if we don't show them they can trust us, they might all follow the same path. And if the mages rebel, there are bound to be templars who will pull away from the chantry. If that happens you won't have any templars for an exalted march."

"That is indeed a dire thought, but it is highly unlikely."

"However unlikely it might seem, if it does happen then chaos will soon follow. If the templar pulls away from the chantry they will need to get lyrium from somewhere else. That means they will seek out the Carta and the Coterie. They in return become more powerful and then it won't just be war. It will be anarchy."

Sebastian shook his head in disbelief.

"A handful of apostates. It can't possibly be that bad?"

"The divine takes the situation very seriously. We must put our faith in the Maker. I want you to convince Grand Cleric Elthina to come to Orlais with you, Hawke. As soon as possible. She will not be safe here."

"As you wish."

"Oh and before I leave. I am sorry to hear about your friend, is it serious?"

Angelle had to hold back her tears.

"I'm afraid so. His mind is twisted and nothing seems to help."

"Well I hope this will help. I have kept it as a reminder of my time in Ferelden, but if there is a change it can help your friend I will gladly give it to you."

Lelliana held out a small pouch and placed in Angelle's hand. A tear fell from her eye and she gave Lelliana a hug.

"Thank you."

"You are welcome. I'm looking forward to seeing you back in Orlais."


	20. When titans clash

When titans clash

Angelle's emotions were in turmoil. Her mind was racing and she felt like everything was crashing and blooming at the same time. She couldn't figure out what to do or how to feel. She held the pouch of ashes close to her heart as she walked home. Her entire future could be determined if this would work or not. As she walked into her home Anders greeted her with a smile that was manic and happy at the same time.

"There you are, love."

"You seem happy. Had a good day?"

"I am beyond happy. I am finally seeking justice and he is exalted. I can't tell you how good it feels for a spirit to for fill its function. There is no human ecstasy to match."

He was absolutely glowing with joy and pride, which made this so much harder. She wanted to let it go. She wanted just to kiss him and join him in his happiness, but she couldn't.

"Are you going to tell me what you did in the chantry?"

He gave her a look of surprise.

"How do you know?"

"I saw you. Does this have something to do with the revolutionists? Have you joined them?"

Only after saying it did she realised that she was scolding him. Anders' face filled with rage as flashes of blue entered his eyes.

"No, and **if **I had, I would think you would support me? You cannot claim to love me and despise what I stand for!"

"I do support you. I have done nothing, but support you. You are not the only one who wants to see mages free, but I am not willing to go to extremes to achieve it."

"Perhaps that is the problem. You and your kind have been sitting on your hands for too long. There can be no half measures! There can be no turning back."

"Anders, what have you done?"

"What I have done is what you have failed to do. I am seeking justice."

"Please reconsider. All your doing is proving the templars right. You won't get justice by becoming what everyone fears."

The blue completely started to consume him as Justices voice began to echo in Anders'.

"I will get Justice by any means necessary!"

"You are going to do something to the chantry aren't you? Tell me the truth."

"The truth? There is no one in Kirkwall I wouldn't** kill** to see mages free. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Angelle felt as if a part of her died. She felt that she had completely lost Anders, not to Justice, but insanity. They were both victims of a disease running in their veins. It removed common sense and replaced it with manic determination. They were dying and it made her feel like dying to. What could she do? She loved him too much to turn him over to the templars, but she couldn't sit by and watch as he did something terrible.

"I'm glad you are that resolved with it, because you will have to kill me too."

She turned around to walk away as he grabbed her wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"To the chantry and I am going to stay there until you change your mind. Don't worry about me telling the templars. I love you too much to do that. Now let me go!"

"Never!"

She turned around and punched him. As he fell to the ground and Conna held him to the ground giving her the opportunity to run.

Next morning she awoke in the chantry. One of the sisters had been kind enough to provide her with a place to sleep. When the Grand Cleric and Sebastian had enquired as to her reason for staying in the chantry, she had told them she wanted to spend her last week in a holy environment. From what she could tell, Sebastian had as little luck convincing the Grand Cleric to leave, as she had convincing Anders to stop his plan. Three days passed and Angelle heard nothing from Anders and found no evidence of what he was planning. She tried to convince both Elthina and Sebastian to leave, but she had no luck. Seemed that no one would ever listen and she began to wonder why she bothered.

She was trying to read the chant light, hoping it would bring her peace. She never believed it would seem so useless. Nothing could bring her peace and she for the first time in her life wondered if she would return to the Makers side when she passed. Then she heard a familiar bark and Conna came running towards her. She felt a chill down her spine as she saw Anders following. Angelle kneeled in front of Conna trying to seem natural.

"There is my favourite dog! Have you been good? Not irritating Anders I hope?"

Conna gave a happy bark.

"He has missed you... We have missed you."

"I have missed you too."

Anders tried to smile, but it never reached his eyes. They were red from crying and lack of sleep. He bowed down next to her and Conna and whispered.

"Please come home. I beg you."

"I can't do that."

"Don't make me do this, love. Don't make me choose between my two reasons for living... my reasons for dying."

"You leave me no choice."

"Don't throw your life away. Do you really want to die? You could have a normal life. Don't do this."

"Why not? It sounds like that is what you are about to do. Why can I not do the same?"

"I am trying to protect you. There is no need for us both to hang."

"If you go through with this I will die either way... whether I'm in here or out there."

His eyes flashed with blue light and tears started to run down his cheeks. Without another word he stood up and walked away. Conna looked at Angelle and began to whimper.

"No sweetheart. Go with Anders, take good care of him will you?"

She kissed the dog and it ran to Anders' side.


	21. Cataclysm

Cataclysm

She had stayed in the chantry for almost a week and Angelle couldn't bear this suspension much longer. Why didn't he go through with his plan? What was he waiting for? How long was she to wait for her execution? She lay in bed tossing and turning, until she finally was so exhausted she fell asleep.

_She was walking through a meadow with yellow and red flowers. She began to come closer to a little farm house. Two little girls where running towards her laughing. The eldest had impossibly long brown hair and brown eyes to match. The youngest, curled red-blonde hair and green eyes. They stopped a few feet from her turning around running in the other direction, cheering on her to follow. In front of the house there were two adults. A man and a woman she'd never seen before. They both got up and went towards her. When they came close they held her close and the woman whispered: "Our little girl has become so strong. You have always made us so proud."_

_Suddenly is all disappeared in an ocean of fire. A large dragon was flying in the sky, setting fire to trees and the house. Angelle was terrified. Then she saw Anders, covered in blue markings, walking through the flames without being burned. She ran to him and held him. He whispered: "Hush love... Without and end there can be no beginning."_

"Anders!" Angelle sat up and thought she saw him out of the corner of her eye. She was bathed in sweat and tears were running down her face and then further down her neck. She started sobbing as she cradled herself rocking forwards and backwards.

"Anders, love... Please Maker, save him... Do with me as you please, but save him. Take my life in return for his."

The last few days there had been rumours that the Knight-commander and First Enchanter were having more and more arguments. It would only be a matter of time before the world would crumble. It had been raining the entire day. Angelle had spent most of it just starring at it, while wondering if Anders had given up his plan. She walked down to the middle of the chantry hoping that talking with Sebastian and Elthina, would keep her mind of... well everything really. As she approached them the entire chantry was beginning to fill with a green gas.

"EVERYONE OUT NOW!"

People where running and screaming. Angelle waited at the entrance ensuring all the cilivilians, she could see through the fog, had left. As Angelle ran down the stairs she saw Orsino, Meredith and Anders standing at the chantry square. Anders was glowing. Most of the people in the chantry had only just reached the square when Anders pounded his staff in the ground. A loud thundering noise sounded as a big red light filled the sky almost dragging the chantry bit by bit into the air and then exploding several hundred meters in the air.

Angelle didn't have to ask. She knew Anders did this. She knew he had meant to kill people inside. As far as she could tell most people had made it out, but there was undoubtedly still several casualties. He had waited to the moment she was in a safe distance from the chantry to blow it up. Sebastian was standing next to the Grand Cleric who was in shock. Angelle looked at Anders. He looked depressed. This was not a man rejoicing his victory, but a man overpowered by his own desperation. This was the man she had first met in the Gallows years ago.

"You did this!" Sebastian growled as he pointed at Anders.

Orsino looked at him with disbelieve.

"Why? Why would you do such a thing?"

"I will no longer stand by while you treat all mages like criminal! While those who would lead us bow to their templar jailors! The circle has failed us, Orsino! Even you should be able to see that!"

"This monster should be executed immediately!" Sebastian demanded. Meredith nodded and as her cold eyes glared at Anders she said her judgement.

"Agreed and with him, the revolutionists and Libertarian fraternity!"

"You can't do that. This man acted alone, you can't punish others for his crime!" Orsino argued.

"How do you know this First Enchanter? If we allow, but one of them to walk free others will follow in their footsteps."

"But..."

"But nothing! Would you rather that we invoke the rite of annulment?"

"Thats enough, Meredith. This demeans us all. Do as you wish, but I will not agree to invoke the right."

Elthina could barely stand as she said it. Meredith reluctantly agreed and added.

"Then this mage is to be executed immediately."

"No."

Everyone starred at Angelle and seemed unable to grasp what she just said. Sebastian finally broke the silence.

"Surely you do not wish this monster to walk free, Hawke?"

"No, but I am not sure making him a martyr will help the situation. I propose we imprison him and the fraternities in question. Then we send word to the Divine and await her judgement."

Meredith looked at Elthina and nodded in agreement.

"Very well. Escort the prisoner to the Gallows."

Angelle didn't look at Anders. She couldn't. The Knight-commander stayed in the city to try and keep order as well as sorting out the casualties. Angelle and Cullen were asked to escort the First Enchanter back to the circle. When she arrived at the Gallows she saw mages kicking and screaming as they were dragged to the dungeons for a crime they didn't commit. Perhaps justice was not something that existed in the mortal world. Angelle started to wonder why people feared demons so much, since the events of the past few years would suggest that people were just as cruel and manipulating. But right now she had her own demon to face... her beloved demon. She waited until nightfall before she went to the dungeons. She couldn't bear the thought of being there while people were still getting dragged into cells.

She walked through the dark with no light. Normally this would have made her uneasy, but after the events of the past week, nothing could terrify her anymore. She heard people crying and others whispering as if in agony. About thirty mages had been dragged down here for something they did not do. They were either to be executed or made tranquil. She reached Anders' cell and just stood there starring at the wall. She couldn't look at him.

"There is nothing you can say to me that I haven't said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and change myself forever to achieve this."

"How is killing innocent's justice? What you have done today is what you say templars have been doing for centuries. You have killed five templars, six priests and two civilians by last count. You have proved to the world that even mages, who are not consorting with demons and doing bloodmagic, are an enemy of the chantry."

"I thought you of all people would understand. The world fears what we can do. They can't imagine a world with room for all of us... maybe their right."

"And now you have started an avalanche of vengeance."

"This is the justice all mages have awaited. Revolutions do not happen peacefully."

"I just can't understand how you could do it. This is not the actions of the man I love."

"I told you I would break your heart. Just know it breaks mine to do it."

They remained silent for a while. She didn't want to admit it, but she did understand. She didn't want him to right, but he was. At this moment she didn't want to love him, but she did... so much.

"Was this your plan all along?"

"Yes... No.. I was forced to change my plan when you wouldn't leave the chantry."

"You were going to blow it up with people inside it?"

She didn't know why she asked. She already knew the answer. A part of her hoped it wasn't true. As he remained silent she knew that she was right. He had meant to kill the grand cleric and everyone else. If she hadn't been in there, no one would have been given the change to escape. Was she so blinded by love that she could not see what he had become? Or had he always been this way and she had chosen not to see it? Maybe she had always known. Could it be that she agreed with this extreme measure? That she didn't stop him on purpose. She was as capable of committing this crime as he was... for freedom... for love. But this was about so much more than just their love. It was about the right to love for any mage in Thedas. As her mind was racing Anders finally broke the unbearable silence.

"If I pay for this with my life, then I pay. Perhaps then it will be Justice and not Vengeance who rises from my corpse."

"We are waiting for orders from the Divine. It is likely that you won't be executed. They will do what they can to prevent you from becoming a martyr. They would sooner make you tranquil."

"Maker, no! I would rather die. I have always feared being made tranquil... now more than ever."

Angelle never understood how a heart that was already broken could still break. If this continued, there would be nothing but dust left. She couldn't stay there any longer. As she turned and began to walk away Anders' whispered:

"For what it's worth, it was nice to be happy... for a while."

As she went passed one of the cells, she noticed a mage-girl sitting there. It was the girl she had seen being raped two years ago. She couldn't take it any longer. She ran.


	22. Ashes to ashes

Ashes to ashes

Angelle was in the quarters assigned to her by the Knight-commander. She couldn't go home, knowing that he would not be there. All those poor people in the chantry. All those mages who would be punished for something they did not do. That poor girl would once again be punished for someone else's deeds. Anders was right. There really was no justice for mages unless he provided it. It knocked at the door and Cullen entered. Angelle hardly recognized him out of his uniform. He was only wearing trousers and a shirt. He had probably been on his way to bed.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I couldn't sleep and I saw there was a light in your room. May I come in?"

"Please do. I don't think I will get any sleep tonight."

"What a mess... I can't believe anyone would do such a thing. What could he possibly hope to achieve?"

"Rational decisions are not made by the desperate... I can't believe the Knight-commander is going to punish all those mages for something Anders did."

Cullen ran his fingers through his hair as he took a deep breath and released it again.

"I confess it is hard for me to tell if I am serving the order or just the Knight-commander."

"Why were Orsino and Meredith in the square today?"

"They hoped her grace would settle a dispute. Had they been there earlier they might have perished."

Angelle started to cry heavily and Cullen quickly walked towards her and held her close.

"We can't just sit by... They can't... All those people... It's my fault..."

"It's not your fault. I am responsible. I should have had him arrested years ago."

"You knew Anders was an apostate? Why didn't you do it then?"

Cullen looked into her eyes.

"Because of you. Because I believed you were in love with him."

"You did it... for me?"

A sudden boldness came over the normally shy templar as he kissed her. Angelle felt so alone, so weak. This sign of affection was what she needed and she returned the kiss. He leaned her against the wall. One hand placed on the wall as the other explored the curves of her body. Feeling her hips, waist and breasts. How long he had wanted this. His body had been set on fire every time they had touched. Her gentle fingers leaving emotional scars all over his body that no one else could touch or heal. So desperate for her that he didn't notice that her hands were still. She couldn't make herself push him away. She so desperately needed to be comforted, but guilt consumed her as she was thinking of Anders. Cullen realised how still she was, but desire won over his better judgement. Part of him knew that she wasn't with him. He knew his touches felt like the those of another man. But he needed her and at this moment she needed him. He kneeled before her, spread her still clothed legs and kissed her between them. His kissed became deeper and harder while he graced his teeth against the fabric. When she let out a moan the last of his control vanished. He stood up and started to undress her, but as he removed her shirt he saw a little pouch in a string around her neck. She grabbed it with her hand and started to cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry... your right. I love Anders. I can't do this to either of you... not as long as I am in love with him."

He stepped back and tried to smile. His body still searing with desire as is took all of his resolve not grab her and continue worshipping her body.

"You don't need to apologize. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you."

He removed her tears gently with his fingers. His heart was breaking. Not because she loved someone else, he had accepted that long ago, but seeing her heart breaking... was more than he could bear.

"The day after tomorrow, the Knight-commander will travel to Orlais to see the Divine personally. You and I are to remain here to keep order. I could let him go. I could release him and you go get as far away from here as possible."

"Oh, Cullen. I don't want you risk so much because of me."

"Please consider it."

She smiled at him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"I will."

Angelle was walking in the dungeon again. She had a vial of grey liquid in her hand. If she was going to consider Cullen's offer she needed to know if there was anything left of the man she loved. When she reached Anders' cell he was still awake. When he saw her he got up and went to the door. His face seemed so old and you could see the paths of long dried tears on his cheeks.

"What are you doing here? If you keep coming they will get suspicious. You know supporting apostates is a hanging offense, especially now. The thought of them hurting you..."

"Shhh... no one saw me come down here. I have something for you."

"What is it?"

"I can't sit by and let them make you tranquil. I need you to trust me."

Anders looked at her and reached out a hand cupping her face. He knew she was evasive, her eyes was hiding something. Was this a test? Did she want him to prove that he truly loved and trusted her? It could be poison. It could be revenge, but he knew she would never do such a thing. Angelle knew he would rather die than being made tranquil. This could be an act of mercy. His salvation and his release... the final blessing in his young life. Had he been granted a merciful death and blessed enough that she would be the last thing he saw? He kissed her deeply, savouring it... this kiss that should last for eternity he was doomed to face without her. He would fall to the void, while she would be at the Makers side. His pure-hearted Goddess.

"I don't deserve your love."

Anders drank the vial and fell to the floor. He body began to shake and buck as his limbs seemed to lose all control. His face was cringing in agony. Blue markings covered his body as his eyes kept shifting from brown to blue. Mean while the black fog was oozing from his body. Her heart stopped. She had no key, she couldn't get to him. She was forced to stand there watching him twist in agony. Then it stopped as abruptly as it begun. He lay there completely still and Angelle couldn't tell if he was still breathing. _"Please dear Maker!" _Then his body became covered in blue markings again, but the fog coming from him had turned white and was glowing. He had become a source of light that illuminated the entire cell. He got up and walked to her looking confused, but not hostile.

"What did you give us, mortal?"

"Anders?"

"I am Justice. Anders has told you of me. What was in that potion?"

"It was the holy ashes of Andraste. I hoped it would separate you and Anders, but it seemed I was wrong."

She almost started to cry. This had been her last hope.

"Indeed Anders and I are still one... I feel like I have been sleeping for a long time."

"What do you mean?"

"I remember all that we have done, but it seems unreal. In the fade things are constantly changing, it is hard to grasp when you have done something that cannot be changed. Rage had twisted and perverted me into nothing better than a demon."

She studied his face. Whenever Justice had been present before he had always seemed so angry, but now... he seemed almost gentle. As if he was in a state of pure serenity.

"You seem different..."

"It has been a long time since I have been able to think clearly."

"Is Anders... Is he still there?"

She couldn't hold back her tears. She didn't sob; she just let them slide slowly down her face. Justice looked her and smiled.

"Yes. Thank you mortal."

He closed his eyes. The blue markings disappeared as the room went dark.

"Anders?"

"What happened? Are you alright, love?"

"I'm fine. You collapsed for a moment I thought I lost you, but then Justice came out. It changed him didn't it?"

"This rage... this hate that always surrounded me. I felt it tearing at me. It felt empowering and at the same time it felt as if I was dying. But it is gone. That anger is gone. I feel... at peace."

She reached trough the bars grabbing his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He gently stroked her cheek.

"You shouldn't be here, love. You need to go now."

"I won't let them do this."

"Shhh... you are the one shining light in my life. Never blame yourself for what will happen. Now go."

She ran through the dungeon and up the stairs. Her lungs burning from lack of oxygen. When she reached Cullen's room , she opened it without even knocking.

"Hawke?"

"We need to talk."


	23. Mirrors and smoke

Mirrors and smoke

There were a lot of people in The Hanged Man. The kind of people who were drowning there sorrows or trying to forget. There wasn't a single man here who wasn't wasted to the point of collapse. Angelle had to ignore several men grapping her ass as she went passed them. Normally she would knock them down, but to night she needed not to draw attention to herself. She walked into Varric suite and closed the door.

"Hawke. I wasn't expecting you here considering what mess the city is in."

"Do you have time to talk Varric?"

"For you I have all the time in the world. What's on your mind?"

"You heard what Anders did?"

"Yes... I didn't know Blondie was that crazy. How are you holding up?"

"Oh you know same old. The whole city is paranoid. I have been harbouring a murderer and the love of my life is going to be killed or made tranquil."

She laughed bitterly.

"So... what are we going to do about it?"

"I am going to make a daring prison break and I could use some help. And an escape plan."

"You want to bust Blondie out of a prison full of templars?"

"Come on Varric. Where is your sense of adventure? What could possibly go wrong?"

"I hate it when you say that. Well, we are going to need some help."

"Yes... do you know anyone desperate enough for coin, with the right amount of insanity, has a ship and we can trust?"

"You know... I just might."

Varriic smiled went to the door and yelled out into the bar.

"Rivani! Get in here, there is someone I want you to meet."

Moments later a female pirate entered.

"Rivani this is Hawke. She has a job for you."

"Well hello. I am Captain Isabela."

They sat down and Angelle told them what she had in mind.

It was night. The Knight-commander had left hours ago. The plan was about to take off. Angelle felt anxious she had never done anything like this. Tonight she would be breaking every oath she ever took, throwing away everything she ever worked for. For the first time in her life she wondered what her parents would think of her. Would they be disappointed or proud? She had no way of knowing. All she knew was that her heart told her this was the right thing to do. Hopefully no one would die. She looked out the window. Isabelas ship was docked and she could see Isabela standing on the deck with one hand constantly on one of her daggers. Next to her was Conna. It knocked on the door and Cullen, Varric and Orsino entered.

"Are you ready Hawke?

"As ready as I'll ever be. Let us get this over with."

"Alright. The first enchanter and I will go together. I have given Varric the keys to the dungeon you should go with him. Go to the dungeons and wait for the signal."

"Not that we really need keys." The dwarf mused.

"Thank you Cullen. Thank you all."

It seems as if hours passed as Hawke and Varric stood in that dungeon. This waiting was killing her and she was beginning to feel frustrated. Then they saw a great flare outside the window and people started yelling. This was their signal. Angelle ran to Anders' cell and opened it.

"Angelle! What is going on?"

"Anarchy... Here take this."

She almost laughed as she gave him a bag with lyrium potions and bandages. Within minutes Angelle and Varric had freed the mages in the dungeon, while Anders did his best to heal the most severe injuries. One girl was too weak to walk even with healing, so Anders picked her up and carried her. They ran up the stairs and met with Cullen and Orisino. They were covered in bloodstains.

"First Enchanter... did you do it?"

"Yes, all the phylacteries have been destroyed."

Anders looked at Angelle with disbelief. She had convinced the Knight-Captain and First Enchanter to destroy the circles phylacteries. Every mage in circle was now an apostate. This was much bigger than just Angelle and Anders' freedom. This was about freedom for all of them. Anders' had made the declaration of war and Angelle was now leading the first assault. This was now a rallying cry that could shake all of Thedas. No one could stand back in silence and remain passive. Action was required and justice for mages could no longer be ignored. Justice rejoiced.

"Good we will have to get to the harbour. A ship is waiting for us."

"How did you get enough coin for a ship?" Anders asked with a look of surprise.

"I **may** have broken in to the Knight-commanders treasury with some help from Varric."

"It was surprisingly easy. You would think a Knight-commander could afford more decent locks... There was this one time..."

"Not right now Varric." Anders grumbled.

Angelle smiled and the group divided into smaller groups and took different paths towards the harbour. Orsino would get the youngest apprentices to safety, while Cullen would close of other sections of the Gallows to prevent too many templars from joining the onslaught. Anders handed over the girl in his arms to one of the mages going with Orsino.

When they got to courtyard mages and templars where fighting. Several were already badly injured... on both sides. Her eyes met Anders' and he immediately started to heal the wounded. Angelle began to throw herself between one injured mage after another, pacifying and incapacitate their attackers. She turned around when she heard Anders' cry out in pain as an arrow stuck in his shoulder. He began to imitate that all too familiar colour of blue. He pulled out the arrow and a white shinning fog started to rise from the wound healing it. Between her own fighting she kept an eye on him. The last thing the needed was for him to get utterly out of control. But this Justice was far different than what he used to be. His attacks and spells were used with accuracy and focus instead of blind rage. When he struck down an enemy it was quick and efficient. The carnage that Justice usually left behind was replaced by intact bodies lying on the ground. Even his movements seemed different, controlled, and there were no cries of furious rage.

Even so it was turning into a bloodbath. She didn't want any more death. Angelle was trying to think of a way to prevent more bloodshed as Cullen and his group came running into the courtyard. She grabbed Cullen arm and twisted on to his back while holding a dagger to his throat. He gave a cry of surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me." She whispered.

"If another templar as much as **sneezes** it will be the end of your Knight-Captain!"

Both the mages and templars stopped. When Cullen nodded the templars laid down their weapons on the ground and stepped back. Angelle and the mages walked slowly to the harbour, while she kept a dagger at Cullen's throat. When they arrived Angelle turned towards Orsino, who was ensuring the youngest apprentices were safe.

"You will all be able to come aboard the ship, but when we reach Kirkwall we will need to spread out. I'm sorry I can't do more for you."

"We are apostates now. We can't expect things to be easy. We can try to find refuge in the other circles in Thedas or hope that they will rise up with us. We will find support nowhere else. I have arranged ship from Kirkwall to Jadar for the children. The Ferelden circle will give refuge to those who are too young to run. "

Orsino gave a sign to the mages to go aboard the ship. Anders was greeted by one happy, slobbering, mabari and he tried to seem indifferent. Angelle couldn't help noticing that even so Anders' eyes smiled as he stroked Conna. Cullen was still standing on the harbour looking at her. He loved her even if she could not return it. Had he let Anders be executed or made tranquil maybe he could have been the one to hold her. But then his heart would always have been full of doubt, as they evening were he kissed her. Would it be him or Anders' she would be making love to, when those beautiful eyes of hers closed. What he wouldn't give to see her smile for him as she did Anders. But he was willing to sacrifice a lot more to see her happy, than fulfilling his own desires.

"Aren't you coming?"

"My place is here, Angelle. Someone needs to take care of this mess."

"What about the Knight-commander?"

"I will have to convince her that I was under the influence of bloodmagic. And after your little stunt it shouldn't be too hard to convince her that I am innocent. I just hope this wasn't a mistake."

Angelle ran towards him threw her arms around him and kissed him. When she let go she whispered in his ear:

"Thank you... May the Maker smile on you."

She boarded the ship and they were off. Anders came up to her and gave her a serious gaze and she responded with a teasing smile.

"What was that about?"

"You are adorable when you're jealous."

"Angelle?"

"It was payment for your freedom... I am quite an expensive whore."

"You didn't...?"

"No, I didn't. I was far too busy trying to save you."

She laughed, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. Then she noticed a subtle white fog coming from him.

"How are you and Justice doing?"

"He seems sated and at peace. He seems like his old self, but I will need to be very aware of my thoughts and feelings. If I'm not he might become a force of Vengeance again. I cannot risk becoming an abomination... and corrupting him. There is too much at stake."

Anders held her close taking in the scent of her hair and kissed her. He never wanted to let her go. This time he would not risk losing her.


	24. Revolution

Revolution

A year later on the borders of Orlais, mages from all over Thedas gathered at Andoral's Reach. This was the first conclave since the fall of the circles. Today it would be decided whether the mages would rebel or turns themselves over to the mercy of the chantry. Everyone was quiet as the fraternities spook their opinions. In the back of the room stood a man, with a woman in front of him, watching in silence. Next to them a black mabari. The man was tall, had long blonde-brown hair, a beard, brown eyes and a sharp chin. He had his arms wrapped around a woman who had just begun to show her pregnancy. She had dark red hair and emerald eyes. They listened intensely as the last fraternity spoke. Everyone was tense as the last enchanter casted his vote.

"I vote that we fight."

The man gave a sigh of relief and kissed the woman on her neck. He then whispered softly as he placed a hand on her stomach:

"Then it wasn't all for nothing."

"No... I just thought we wouldn't have children until after this was settled... This is your fault you know? You and your warden stamina."

She chuckled and he smiled in response.

"Hey! It was just a happy side effect of that grey potion of yours."

His look turned serious, turned her around and kissed her.

"War is coming. I wish I could promise to keep you safe."

She cupped his cheek, gave him a warm contagious smile and he couldn't help but smile as well.

"I wish I could promise you the same... but we will make sure that in the future others will be safe and free."

"We will fight for a world where our children can be born mages and free."

"_Flemmeth once told me thing are the way they are, because they could not have been any other way… I have always questioned this." Morrigan, Dragon Age: Origins._


End file.
